Today, I was going down on my boyfriend, only while I was down there I noticed he had an ungodly amount of dick cheese under his foreskin. He’s now mad at me for blueballing him, even though he’s clearly the one at fault for being a filthy pig. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent a good 30 seconds licking my husbands' penis all over before I drew back his foreskin to really start going to town on it, only to discover that under the head was covered in his stinking knob cheese. I threw up three times. He’s an adult man and can’t wash himself properly. Pig. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me when I went to give him a blowjob after he got home and his knob tasted different. It was the other woman’s fanny juice still on him because he hadn’t had a shower yet. So f…ing angry and grossed out right now. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate with each other, starting with some foreplay. Before he fingered me, he put on a blue surgical glove, claiming that "down there is dirty and smelly" and he didn't want it on his hand. FML
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend got his results from the doctor: the weeping sore under his foreskin isn’t an STD like I accused him of, it’s merely a bacterial skin infection from not washing his penis. He’s acting all smug, like not cheating on me somehow makes up for being a bacteria-ridden petri dish. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, doggy-style. She then got mad at me for coming on her back. I didn’t have the balls to tell her that was drool. FML
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML
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Top comments
mr_dinzaster 16
That literally almost made me throw up that’s so grosss
GamerChickxoxo 16
Gross and why i prefer to do that kind of thing in the shower so i can atleast see that its been washed before it goes in my mouth :P
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Comments (28)
donb23 23
Agree with you OP. As a guy it is OUR responsibility to keep ourselves clean if we are going out with anyone.
Matthew Kay 4
Was eating a cheese sandwich whilst reading this FML
nykkiyo16 13
I'm confused as to why anyone would say you deserved this.
cosmic 9
There is a guy saying similar thing on r/tifu. either he is her bf or there are many men who doesn't wash their dicks
WeirdUS 30
That's disgusting and the fact it doesn't bother him is a bigger problem.
Silver Kitsune 5
That is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever read!! Maybe the poor little baby should wash up every once in a while
Sahil Parikh 3
Sounds like he has an STD
Casstrodamus 4
My fiance is uncircumcised, and he has somehow managed to go his entire life without having dick cheese. People circumcise their sons because they think it's cleaner, but if you don't teach your kid how to wash his junk, it'll have it either way.