Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML
Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML
Today, I tried to discreetly smell a carton of milk to see if it had gone bad. I squeezed it a little too hard and it sprayed directly into my face. My roommate walked into the kitchen at that exact moment, then silently walked back out. FML
Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML
Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML
Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML
Today, I was cleaning my lazy son’s bedroom when I knocked a full cup out the window, complete with a layer of mould. It landed on the dog, covering him in mouldy, milky coffee. He ran inside, shook it off everywhere, then rolled around to really make sure it was smushed deep into the carpet fibres. FML
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML
Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML
Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Put some cayenne pepper in the milk. That shit will stop real quick!
BloodyButUnbowed 32
Could you let him do it outdoors? He'd still have the fun, and you wouldn't have to clean up.
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Comments (8)
RichardPencil 32
Put some cayenne pepper in the milk. That shit will stop real quick!
dancingcats 5
that would be child abuse. and would probably cause him to bleed profusely from his nose
RichardPencil 32
Who would be stupid enough to take child-rearing tips from the comments section of FML? The kid would taste the pepper anyways.
HistoryHasEyes 19
Wouldn't the milk just cancel out the spice?
mr_dinzaster 16
He is a awesome kid lol
BloodyButUnbowed 32
Could you let him do it outdoors? He'd still have the fun, and you wouldn't have to clean up.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
yeah and use water not milk! I'd ban milk until he'd got that lark out of his system.
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
waste of milk
Charlie Given 28
Umm ya better get him to stop before he has a serious sinus infection
SpaceshipOnAcid 9
Hate to sound harsh but if OP can't get him to stop, maybe that's what needs to happen for him to learn not to do it.
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
plug his nose next time
StagGT 13
YDI, DHK
Razell 13
Slap him upside the head every time he does it. That'll stop it right quick. Or better yet, make <i>him</i> clean the carpet. Also, vodka or baking soda (applied to the carpet, not to you) might make the smell go away.
Hangryko 32
YDI because you keep giving him milk and are not correcting the behaviour.