Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Greatest FML I've ever read in my life.
Aoife 0
Haha, there's a place and time for everything. You can't ALWAYS get the pussy into the shower with you. x]
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Comments (246)
lexi_cacao 0
Just...wow. Agree with #29, if this story is true. You're not smart enough to own a cat. However, since you managed to last this long, I agree with #33. I call fake on this one.
guthix_winnar 0
I've done this before, but it was my kitten and I'm a girl, plus it was a hot day and it was to cool him down. I find nothing wrong with taking your cat to the shower with you.
PurpDOODE 0
EPIC FAIL. L O S A H .
rockstarK9 0
thats sucks but i'm sorry, YDI. You really should have known better :
iljajlm 4
I physically shuddered when I read this O_O
deaditegirl 0
YDI. You must be incredibly stupid to think taking a cat in a shower with you was anywhere close to a reasonable idea.
blah123blah 0
"seemed convenient" yea it sounds ok for a man to shower with pussy. No explaination needed.
derriduh 0
There is no reason to wash a cat (unless the cat has gotten totally filthy with dirt or shit or something). That's why you see them giving themselves a bath with their tongue. I feel far worse for your cat in this situation than you, dumbass.
Phoenix_fml 13
Semi rip-off of Nurse Jackie, anyone?
Arcterion 0
Motherfuckin' *OUCH*. YDI though, ya silly bastard.