Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Greatest FML I've ever read in my life.
Aoife 0
Haha, there's a place and time for everything. You can't ALWAYS get the pussy into the shower with you. x]
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Comments (246)
murderofcrows 0
I think its hilarious other ppl bathe their cats like me. I wear old boxers and a big t shirt and just sit in the bath with them. Sometimes I do it naked, cuz I hate the big sloppy mess of fabric. Too funny
tabbycat 0
Don't even attempt to wash cats. It just does not work. Period.
PhiThetaKappa 0
#1-Your a man. You own a cat. That leads me to believe you are Queer. #2-Maybe your not queer and that is the only pussy you can get. #3-I am not an expert on feline hygiene, but I thought they licked themselves to clean their fur. #4-I think what you did is technically illegal in most states cat ******. #5-I think regardless of what anyone has said, we all just really want to know exactly how one came to the conclusion that it was a good idea to get in the shower with your F-ING CAT! P.S.-I hope you don't get a boner when your mom applies the neosporin to your balls (assuming you have any).
joHnnycsU 0
haha genius comment
SizeMayVary 0
your an idiot too. almost as dumb as the dude who posted this.
jts2 3
Want to comment on one thing in that post: Why is it 'queer' for a man to own a cat? I own 2.
PhiThetaKappa 0
Then you already know. Question answered.
RPGod 0
Hey, you can always try out a new fetish!
definatelywierd 0
Meow means meow
RIKANA 0
this fml has been done before... anyway I gues a repeat accadent can always happen again. get better soon OP RI
solocredere12 4
You sir, are a ******* dumbass. You deserve it 100%!! It's pretty hilarious too!
Topguy 0
oh yes that was clearly the most logical way of doing it. the best part about cats is they clean themselves!
GodofTheCubes 0
ummmm YDI for showering, well trying to shower, with a cat. NEVER get naked around animals, just cuz they are cute and fuzzy doesn't mean that they won't scratch your junk :P
cyurihsung 0
To all the pussy related jokes, shut up; it stopped being funny the last 12 times