Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after two days of not showering. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DooleyFTW 17
Or you could just embrace a role as the office sleazebag! Slapping asses and making dirty comments all while handling your crotch! Could be fun?
rein 8
That sucks balls.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (51)
rein 8
That sucks balls.
perdix 31
Are you saying that scrotal eczema is a wonderful thing? If not, you just haven't had that performed properly on you ;)
MichellinMan 20
Buy a bottle of aloe vera, works like a wonder.
IHaveThePower 18
I might try that, I'm allergic to steroids. Moisturizing cream...kinda works? But aloe vera, that might help a lot.
coughyochick 7
Perdix got 9 thumbs down? IMPOSSIBRU
zandalee 20
I just hope like **** there isn't a No Masturbating sign up in your place of work! One scratch, you're out...
DooleyFTW 17
Or you could just embrace a role as the office sleazebag! Slapping asses and making dirty comments all while handling your crotch! Could be fun?
mollysticks 10
Like Eminem haha
TheGianaJinx 0
38... Win.
theslimshadylp 6
No....
mollysticks 10
How he's portrayed, not how he actually acts.
gc327072 31
"Smackin ass and taking names." I think I just thought of a new saying...
awkward_gothlady 32
And then when the itching stops, pretend nothing happened. If someone mentions it, stare at them blankly, like "WTF are you talking about?"
unlucky90 4
You can't ask for the day off? Sorry though, that sucks
yankfan89 27
That would be completely impractical to take a day off of work so OP can scratch his balls. Also scratching makes it worse. I would suggest some anti-itch cream. I have eczema and anti-itch cream works for me.
desireev 18
Hydrocortizone is your friend! Actually, as gross as it sounds, take raw eggs and stir them up, rub the mixture on your affected area (Lol), and wait for it to dry completely! Not at work, of course. But do it when you get home and it'll help tremendously with the itching! Pics or it didn't happen! Haha! Good luck, OP! :)
ninjakittyxx 5
43 - cool advice and all (not sure eggs on OP's scrotum would be pleasant) but why would you want to see pics of that? :P
desireev 18
47- How long have you been on FML? Lol
Roevera 14
Eczema usually lasts more than one day so taking one day off would be useless. I have eczema OP, obviously not on my scrotum..... But it still sucks, because it feels so orgasmic to just scratch it, only it makes it 10x worse!
awkward_gothlady 32
Never heard of that. But it made me laugh, because I was thinking of how hilarious your comment would sound in Spanish. The word for "eggs" is the same as the word for "balls."
awkward_gothlady 32
That was supposed to be a reply to #43, not #3. Guess it posted wrong.
kofeinisti 6
In Finnish too. And as a bonus, whipping eggs is slang for masturbating.
domking1315 20
If anyone says this is a shitty situation...
acidkitten 14
how is that even relevant?
senbonzakura90 3
Idiot
bestCOMMENT 5
And I thought my jokes were bad ^^
SB1010 0
I don't ever thumb down... Your such a dipshit I did.
esines 9
This is a shitty situation...
eternal7 6
... then their comment would be as dumb as yours.
FilleNoir 21
-30 Harsh Much? It is not that serious
patacus 14
I hate it when I shit from my scrotum.
MichellinMan 20
Sir, that pun implies feces. Now tell me, do you shit out your scrotum?
hellya14 0
I think someone mistook "scrotum" for "rectum"....
TJ1991 3
Surely there's at least one treatment you could use? When I was 10 I had it on my arms and there was creams etc.
Fishinaddict22 1
AND! While applying the cream why not knock out two birds with one stone eh? eh? *nudge* *nudge* *wink* *wink*
onlychildFTW 34
And cream makes for good lubricant.
DrewFluIngle 10
16 was totally not hinting at that..
mnfer 7
40 - I'm pretty sure 16 is talking about OP, not a 10 year old.
InsanePPG 25
#5 - There IS at least one treatment OP can use. And don't call him Shirley.
CaughtTheMermaid 5
I guess his eczema is quite bad.. I still have them right now and sometimes I just can't stop scratching even if I take medicines AND put creams on D:
LittlestV 28
My sister has eczema, and so as not to keep scratching she slaps it to try and take the itch away. Probably best for OP not to slap *his* eczema though...
bayli 12
Being in a public place rarely seems to limit ball-scratching. Just go to town under your desk if you're that nervous about it.
zombiekitten87 12
That's not eczema! :O Sorry, just kidding, but that is a really awful place for eczema to manifest...
olpally 33
Stop busting our balls with this story and just scratch away already... Jeez.. What's the worst that could happen? Lol.
stephan18 23
He gets carried away with the itching and people think he's masturbating, they'd have to put up signs warning people in the office not to do it, all because of OP.
olpally 33
Touché... Hahaha.
Addy414 12
It gets worse and spreads, and gets sticky and painful . I have bad eczema. I go to a dermatologist. What an awful place to have it
AJ_Ba11 0
Man i cant imagine that down there...
efrainelboricua 12
And that's how OP discovered he had crabs
erica_ryan3 1
That's rude/weird!:/
Dinger1992 3
Wow man sorry and sorry to your scrotum as well