Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
Guess your boyfriend's not as Charmin as you thought
KeyboardWarrior 10
I know right... Especially the 48th one...
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Comments (106)
_BradyBunch_ 7
Time to buy the toilet paper yourself?
_BradyBunch_ 7
I just realized that perhaps she doesn't live with her boyfriend. In that case, maybe you can just have some with you when you go to his house :)
biggestfan23 11
True that my friend. True that
MagicallyFat 12
How Charmin… but all jokes aside that's too gross
HannahMarshall 6
What brand causes extreme vaginal swelling and itching?
KeyboardWarrior 10
18 I see what you did there. And I did not like It one bit!
ryry013 6
The comments on this FML are so bad...
KeyboardWarrior 10
I know right... Especially the 48th one...
MagicallyFat 12
Oh well I tried. I found it to be quite punny and funny. (is punny a word)
infinity99_fml 3
Blue waffles ?
Link5794 18
That's Scott to be uncomfortable.
ugottabkidn 0
Im also allergic to certain types of tp, they use harsh chemicals to make the tp dissolve better in the drain. Its not only the cheap stuff either. Try white cloud tp from walmart. Its hypo allergenic!
MelTheGreat 23
That's probably just your itchy ******, too.
ohxdamnxkay02 12
OP, are you sure you didnt confuse Clorox wipes for being the toilet paper? lol
ryry013 6
I didn't mean comments in reply to this comment, specifically I meant comments 2-5, because while I was here half of them were hidden from having above -10 votes. People seem to have changed their mind and now like them. Sorry for confusion
kitten_mittens5 8
Probably gardinella. Toilet paper isn't going to make your ****** stink unless its dirty and used. Nice try ya dirty bitch.
DanniMal87 3
or a stinky ******???
xXxIracebethxXx 14
"Or a stinky ******" what? Finish your goddamn sentence/question. I hate sentence fragments. -_-
kushsmokee 0
Lol someone needs to scrub the shit outa that stinky pussy
SkoomaKi 28
59 - I just hate it when
dcg1375 7
When what??? The suspense is killing me....
The_Troller 14
78- You accidentally the rest of
geko911 22
86 - I can almost
burtonbullet 10
This reminds me of
immaMonsta 8
Ha, I bet you all drove 59 crazy (:
bylliam 0
Such a pain in the ass when
The_Troller 14
102, you ruined the
KittySaysMoo 6
That moment when
marinus_fml 20
A cccccombo breaker appears?
Goldenchest 14
Banana phone!
CockAsian 14
Why must you guys always
angrymexican 8
C-C-C-COMBO..
KeyboardWarrior 10
Sentence fragments are so
KeyboardWarrior 10
Cool!
LightningCactus 12
But then I took an arrow
KeyboardWarrior 10
And threw it across a fence because there is NO way I'm getting hit in the knee again. Surgery bills are getting expensive.
screaminglaughs 0
Damn you sexy
LordOwlDragon 1
Then I got a banana and
hzsambo 3
use water
TunechiXXL 0
If only all the women could use toilet paper as an excuse, the world would be a better place
coNsperAZI 4
Lol 101 thats right. She knows that this itch came from those five guys in the parking lot.
TunechiXXL 0
175 - 5 is the magical number, if it was 4 no irritation, but 5........... : /
Whitesound 3
Cameltoe?
zingline89 18
Guess your boyfriend's not as Charmin as you thought
silentbutfunny 0
I see what you did there... I dislike those commercials, they try to make the whole whiping your ass proccess cute
soopafreak 11
Whipping your ass with Charmin?
Aoifexzx 3
Kinky..
Awsumuzzie 12
33, you're the laziest troll I've met by far.
KevLar33 4
Oh Scott is letting you down.
silentbutfunny 0
32 charmin toilet paper
hatesfate 6
77 - really? I thought it was a dog?
karmicsamadi86 9
Clever.....
Capt_Oblivious 10
Primary use; toilet paper. Secondary use; pain removal/smoothing rough wooden surfaces.
Spanika87 0
Huh?
silentbutfunny 0
Unless you buy the good tp, and to that, i say the extra $ is worth it.
False_Stupidity 42
Hmm, 120 grit toilet paper?
Calyx_fml 22
More like 40 grit.
groupleader 7
C'mere, I'll take care of that itch for ya...
wittygirl 8
Lol good one
silentbutfunny 0
Creeper alert is tingling...
KiddNYC1O 22
In top 5 creepiest FML comments.
downtime 13
Innuendo only really works when what you're saying makes sense...
muffinXmonster 12
What the hell is he using? Angel Soft?
LilKriminal 0
Blue waffle...
baseballplaya5 7
It also sucks for your boyfriend.
omarzrgz 3
Could be worse!
Teyros 24
Judging from the thumbs down I guess not lol