Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML
Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML
Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML
Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML
Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML
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Top comments
Bricktothehead 21
He was facing the wall, in bed, while he listened to someone grunting behind him. I get the feeling he may have been the one spanking the monkey.
bwoolf96 21
What a wanker.
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Comments (48)
bwoolf96 21
What a wanker.
jakers8424 18
How many did you do
RenoTheRhino 30
Exactly 9.3 push-ups.
Roskie 16
All of them.
ErikSenpai 3
I'm crying
earlytermination 34
Lol that guy sounds lame. Sorry OP.
Bricktothehead 21
He was facing the wall, in bed, while he listened to someone grunting behind him. I get the feeling he may have been the one spanking the monkey.
Perplexed_Aris 16
I'm sure you can clear things out with him, right? Plus, I'd imagine there'd be more than just grunting noises if OP was really sacking his chum..
vikky538 29
Can't be undone now!
rainbowsRlove 15
haha next time do jumping jacks no confusion there....at least not from my experiences lol
militarybrat 21
Think about the sounds. Grunting and slapping skin...
BrutalEater 15
That made me laugh and face palm xD
ChunkyBuiscuit 13
Mistaking push-ups for beating it? That person has a lot to learn
grimboots 3
You may be doing push ups wrong!
invadermaythe1st 35
No, I think his room mate is masturbating wrong.
gosh_mate 30
Just tell everyone the truth. It's your word against his... Also does anyone else think this FML could be worded better? With 'the guy' starting 2 sentences in a row.
ProfessorMctitie 20
How about no...
DeltaDragonxx 20
by by that logic No one would ever be charged with murder.