Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML
Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML
Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML
Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML
Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML
Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML
Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
So, did you hop in his bunk afterwards.... And take in the aftershocks?
MadeOfAwesome 1
Apparently it's never too early in the morning to pleasure yourself
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Comments (141)
jem1991 0
dont reply to this
Arenick 0
ok
no1askdu 5
that
FenderYK 0
How can you mistake an earthquake for some retard masturbating at 6AM?
_electricbonbon 0
not
the_stereotype 0
#16, the masturbating was probably shaking the bed...and i'm assuming that the OP was probably shaken awake...and that usually seems like you're being shaken a lot more. FYL, but most bunk beds i've seen let you separate them back into two twin size beds. i'm guessing that's the best option here
tyhillman 0
cool
falconxvi 0
uhhh that wuld be funny if all the sperm like shot up and like ******* curved and hit u in face!!
esodrevOcinorhC 0
#44 My campus welded my last bunk bed together. not always a guarantee
genius_man16 1
lmao 11, 13, 17, 22, 45 are winnarz
Paradox621 0
YDI for ending a sentence with ever
xXMILKYCHUNKSXx 0
But if you separated the bads, he would be masturbating right next to you. I think that would be worse.
TheMeow 0
It's alright if the flatmate's hot.
redbluegreen 41
So, did you hop in his bunk afterwards.... And take in the aftershocks?
kaysi_28 0
hahaha amazing comment (:
mich23 10
cuz thats not awkward at all
allmidnighteyes 11
I'm sure he split his roomie's San Andreas Fault afterwards ;)
brutallyhonest24 0
on account of the jizzings going on, its probably a good thing hes not in the bottom bunk =)
MyCubicleRomance 0
hahhahaha holy shit thats actually funny
603050294 0
#25: so funny!
DoveOrHawk 5
Haha wow, Sorry.. but doesn't that just yell "G'morning!" to ya? :P
WeStayCrunk24x7 0
no
mikeman1744 18
I just want to know how he shook the bed that much
loserboii 11
lol wat was he doin tht early
andyj1324 4
wat else WOULD he b doing? lol
Jessj958 19
He was masturbating.
MooKee 0
What a great roomie! XD fyl
The_Chuck_Norris 0
Damn! hes really good...err i mean damn thats sad
hqwoody327 0
That's hot.. you should have joined in!
MadeOfAwesome 1
Apparently it's never too early in the morning to pleasure yourself
toyotasmash 0
lmao very true
miyon_fml 0
wait there a min, you thought it might an earthquake and you live in Ohio? I lived Ohio for 30 years, only once during that time was there ever an earthquake that you could feal and it was just a vibration.
EMR_fml 0
Agreed, I've been in Ohio for 27 years and never felt an earthquake. The last major one in this state was 190 years ago. I don't know why the OP jumped to the conclusion that the vibration he was feeling was an earthquake in Ohio. Also, bunk bed? Unless you're stationed at Wright-Pat Airforce base or a 6year old who sleeps in a bunk bed?
tyhillman 0
Probably at college, it's not uncommon at all. In fact, my roommate and I bunked our beds last semester to make more room.
the_stereotype 0
I think that was the point...since he'd never experienced an earthquake he thought the little bit of shaking was the start of one, and early in the morning being shaken awake...you'll believe almost anything
ender345 0
college students.
onigiriqueen 0
I agree... Ohio?
shamille 5
I'm sorry, an earthquake in Ohio? no way! I've only heard of "little vibrations" and those are our earthquakes. I think we only get tornadoes... anyway. well maybe the OP is from another place (and staying in OH for college) and didn't know.
loveyabb 0
He may be from Ohio, but going to school somewhere else. That's generally how it works.
jess_00 0
He's probably form Ohio but going to school somewhere else. If it's two guys living in one room sharing bunk beds and he considers this an FML and not awesome I'm assuming they're in college.
thewaker 0
wow, life as you is hard. I wish my biggest problem was someone masterbating.
musselmann 0
You gonna cry about ur life some more?