Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paperclip. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
The laceration I can fix. The stupid, not so much.
Andrew123123 9
Examine before you take action.
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Comments (76)
aznbitchonmadick 0
Be careful with knives they are sharp dum ass
native_ug 3
Ouch! That's like punching yourself in the face! Sorry, OP. That's one lesson u won't forget.
Dcm210 19
yes they had an easy open thing for yrs now.
A7XCamaro 19
You went to the hospital for a cut that only required three stiches? I know plenty of people, myself included, who have accidently cut themselves badly and then just glued it up, works great.
XtraEzeee 8
Look out everybody, we got ourselves a badass.
robert76 5
As a nursing student who actually understands the concept of infection, I feel confident that I am qualified to say you're an idiot.
A7XCamaro 19
Or maybe I don't have the money to just go to a doctor and get it stiched.
Tamz13 2
Oh man. That sux. And sounds way too much like something I would manage to do. Hope you feel better soon.
kyat288 9
Stupid Americans... It's pronounced pop!
KiddNYC1O 22
It's a sign to cut down on soda.
Allieheffner 5
Try scissors next time
locz07 1
Idiot
mosquito19 14
stop drinking soda