Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paperclip. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
The laceration I can fix. The stupid, not so much.
Andrew123123 9
Examine before you take action.
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Comments (76)
trqskq 14
Maybe it will leave a scar that'll remind you of easy-open tabs and their existence.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
Haha that sucks OP I can kind of relate though. When I was a kid, probably like 6 or 7, I tried prying open a jar of strawberry jam to make pb&j and the butter knife I was using slipped and I jabbed myself in the eye. Luckily I didn't hit my eyeball directly so after a trip to the doctors office, no damage was done to me and I was fine. :P
Pandacupcakelove 26
Remember when your teacher told you to read the whole question on the test and not just part of it before answering? Yeah, this is kind of the same thing.
christopherryan 0
Box of soda? Like the 12 packs that are encased in thin cardboard? I would think you could just be able to tear it open
soyeah_whatsup 4
I have yet to find a soda box that didn't have the easy open tab on it...
abrookec2011 14
How long has it been since you opened a box of sodas?
IchimaruGin 5
Reminds me of the guy who posted an FML about stabbing himself with a knife trying to open a can without a can opener.
WorrGame13 2
People like the OP are why we have directions for friggin poptarts, or why caution signs are all over coffee cups to tell the shallow end of the gene pool that it's hot. I hate the stupid...YDI.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Setting aside the easy open box, remember always cut AWAY from you. Then there will be less physical proof of your stupidity.
DocBastard 40
I can't - she wasn't my patient. :)