Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Rebecca1993 0
Aw.. I chipped a tooth once. My brother threw a scooter at my face...
Sfugius 0
learn to invest in beer bottle openers.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (34)
armandoX113 0
that's sad.
borabora1991 0
Is this two FMLs in one? Nice job, OP! and sorry about your tooth.
kxxjoejoexxk 8
Dont say first unless its a dumb fml
DippinGrizzly907 27
What an elegant waste of first comment... *sigh* They're usually the best ones :(
Sfugius 0
learn to invest in beer bottle openers.
Gubbon 17
I don't think he tried opening a bottle with his teeth. I HOPE
Rebecca1993 0
Aw.. I chipped a tooth once. My brother threw a scooter at my face...
JustAReaderOfFml 4
lolllllll is he hot??? :P srsly if he is tho then YDI ^_^
Rebecca1993 0
My brother? He's very un-hot. I didn't deserve it.. He threw the scooter at me cause I was mad when he messed something of mine up :(
sleephunters 8
Wow, I hope your brother is younger then you.
Rebecca1993 0
Mm.. he's actually older by 15 months.
blland 0
same, but i guess it's nothing to be proud of
8trickster8 0
I wish I had a basement.
musicislife1995_fml 0
you don't get out much, do you?
jamie_leeann23 0
hahahha, you need a hug.
shockcrow 0
wish i had that time alone.
me5 0
I chipped two teeth trying to crack a hard-shelled nut. I'd like to have a basement too.
Anteezy 7
That's why I drink my beer out of a can when I get drunk alone.