Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML
Today, during labor, I farted every time I pushed with very deep sounds. I was so ashamed. I pushed so hard, I pooped and splashed the nurse in front of me right in the face. Everyone stopped laughing and the nurse didn’t talk until baby came. When my husband called my in-laws, it’s the first thing he told them. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were changing our newborn son when he peed on her, making me lose it laughing. Less than five seconds later, as I picked him up to clean him off, he did a huge poop, all over my hands, arms, feet, and clothes. Instant Karma. FML
Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML
Today, one of my preschool students hit me in the nuts in front of my whole class. If that wasn't bad enough, the blow to my crotch instantly triggered a very audible fart. FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
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Top comments
HotFrosty 14
If he finds it so funny, he can change the diapers from now on.
InnocenceBlue 38
The joys of parenthood. There's more to come OP, but congrats on the bub :)
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Comments (71)
MonstreBelle 29
This is one of those moments of motherhood that is so gross now but will become one of your funniest memories
christopherwilli 14
Take aim and reload.
geraldinem_a 20
Reminds me of this movie called the change up when the dad was changing the diapers of the babies
monkeytater96 23
I watch parents change diapers all the time at my job. Only once have I seen a mom change a diaper with kids ass facing them. Usually they are side ways to prevent that. So I say you deserved that.
Arot6 17
I aspire to be like your husband. Never a dull moment, I'm sure.
MiaTheMartian 21
okay that's gross for you but that was funny as hell to read
bingalingading 12
shit happens. I am so sorry.
apcsox 18
YES! I l love your husbands Tremors reference!!!
mds9986 24
Welcome to parenthood.
deminchic 22
That's why you should change the baby with all the orifices facing away from you rather than right at you.