Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML
Today, during labor, I farted every time I pushed with very deep sounds. I was so ashamed. I pushed so hard, I pooped and splashed the nurse in front of me right in the face. Everyone stopped laughing and the nurse didn’t talk until baby came. When my husband called my in-laws, it’s the first thing he told them. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were changing our newborn son when he peed on her, making me lose it laughing. Less than five seconds later, as I picked him up to clean him off, he did a huge poop, all over my hands, arms, feet, and clothes. Instant Karma. FML
Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML
Today, one of my preschool students hit me in the nuts in front of my whole class. If that wasn't bad enough, the blow to my crotch instantly triggered a very audible fart. FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
HotFrosty 14
If he finds it so funny, he can change the diapers from now on.
InnocenceBlue 38
The joys of parenthood. There's more to come OP, but congrats on the bub :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
Richard6036 13
That kind of reminds me of the one I seen on YouTube where the parent powders the bbutt and the baby farts and the powder gets blown away . Really cute but for you I agree with your hubby it is kind of funny of course only when it happens to someone else
bapbap_fml 15
Personally this just makes me glad I'm childfree. No poop splattering for me, just scooping cat poops from litter.
FalloutScrolls 25
Happened to me more than a few times when my kids were babies. I think when they're older and complaining about life not being fair, I'm gonna tell them to buy me a house.
Rammer3500 23
Or you could say... Bl-ass-ted
bstarqueen 16
Your husband seems like a fun time! I bet he's never boring! I hope I can find someone as funny and entertaining as him someday! You got a keeper. :)
healthcarechick 9
I'm sorry but that's hilarious!!!!!!!
vikky538 29
(In trumps grumpy face) wuff.. Wooofff.. Its pretty common
Skinyrd 17
When the shit hits the fan...
Rysal5 15
You gotta admit that was kinda funny
cinderbelle 5
After taking my son to urgent care at six days old for not pooping. the doctor did the trick and he was going again instantly. that night while changing him on my niece's bed he gave the term "crotch shot" a whole new meaning.