Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML
Today, during labor, I farted every time I pushed with very deep sounds. I was so ashamed. I pushed so hard, I pooped and splashed the nurse in front of me right in the face. Everyone stopped laughing and the nurse didn’t talk until baby came. When my husband called my in-laws, it’s the first thing he told them. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were changing our newborn son when he peed on her, making me lose it laughing. Less than five seconds later, as I picked him up to clean him off, he did a huge poop, all over my hands, arms, feet, and clothes. Instant Karma. FML
Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML
Today, one of my preschool students hit me in the nuts in front of my whole class. If that wasn't bad enough, the blow to my crotch instantly triggered a very audible fart. FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
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Top comments
HotFrosty 14
If he finds it so funny, he can change the diapers from now on.
InnocenceBlue 38
The joys of parenthood. There's more to come OP, but congrats on the bub :)
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Comments (71)
lonewolf91 2
I got a good one for you had both my daughter's throw up in my mouth before that really sucks
xmummanicx 4
I know this way too well and my daughter is 1 hahaha
Username322Xx 4
Looks like he can change the diapers from now on if he finds it so funny:)
Jayyatlast7 4
Its all giggles and shit, until someone ***** then giggles lol
tiredofwaiting 25
Lol this is why I have no children.
Ordu 7
haha that's so cute by the baby
nealius 6
my daughter did that to her mother 14 years ago. It still cracks me up! best memory ever!
Brittanyashlyn 5
how does that even happen loll unless your face was about level with Her butt
baubsmith 6
next time, hold the front of the diaper down, and use it to wipe front to back, getting most of it off before you raise her but and proceed to wipe all that crap into her front. basic diaper changing 101.
inolongercare 19
Gotta admit I laughed... But that sucks. But it is also hilarious! If you have a boy beware pee shooting out at you!