Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML
Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, I’ve suffered my whole life with a bunch of genetic conditions and I found out why at my dad's funeral. A bunch of relatives from America attended and one of them secretly told me my parents emigrated to England under a cloud of shame because they were brother and sister. I’m inbred. FML
Today, I’m getting a very interesting demonstration of how genetics work: I have inherited all my dad’s health issues, plus those from my mom, plus a bunch of new ones that belong exclusively to me. FML
Today, my dad's will included a DNA test he did on me when I was 3, proving I’m not his son. I thought we had a great relationship, but apparently he secretly hated me all these years for mom cheating, and decided to embarrass me in front of our family, half of whom it turns out I’m not related to. FML
Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML
Today, we got the results of our family's ancestry DNA tests. My father isn't related to me, but my grandfather is still my grandfather. Apparently grandma cheated on grandpa to get 'dad', and my mother cheated on 'dad' with my 'uncle' to get me. FML
Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML
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Top comments
smilevue 23
It's all in the technique. ;)
dman798 18
Be confident in yourself and how you are
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Comments (147)
Lonewolf148 18
Lolz. It's ok man. Just sleep with some randoms and you'll feel better!
Patriots21 14
Way to make it obvious how big of a douche you are.
BeautifulMine 16
yeah, because nothing makes your dick feel bigger like an std.
countryb_cth 38
I didn't know that genital warts made your dick look bigger. Learn something new every day.
aecribb 14
Well if you get the right STD I suppose it could cause swelling, but still
AdiraNightshade 8
don't worry bro, when u meet Mr. /mrs. right then size won't matter to her/him! =)
Richard6036 13
It's funny all the people who say size doesn't matter have small dicks, and people who say I tried my best, all ready failed. Remember the person who comes in second is the first loser , just the facts but making love is not just a technique reserved for the penis !! Just the facts
Kiernan151 25
If you're too big then it can hurt your partner, it's best to be average...
militarybrat 21
Well you sir are correct. I did say size doesnt matter and my dick is small. Mostly because im a woman.
derangedplanet 23
I love it. size can be nice at times. let's be honest. but they are right. it can hurt a good deal. I mean your body can get used to it and and accommodate, but the first time or two...it won't be all that pleasant for her. trust me. better hope he hasn't had sex in a while because then at least he'll come fast.
DoomedGemini 38
Please, tell me more about how you know more about what's pleasurable to women than women.
RedPillSucks 33
someone spends way too much time watching ****, and not enough with real women
bsmallz3 12
My friend Ron on the internet said he used these pills? Maybe you should look into it.
countryb_cth 38
That kinda makes it sound like a dark interweb drug deal.
TheLastCenturion 19
Don't worry, OP. You'll do just fine as long as you know what to do. Size doesn't matter if you've got the skills. ;)
SecundusSecunda 27
Like the history channel guy says "Aliens" Sorry your genetics got screwed up man It happened to a lot of us lol
Railroader 16
Maybe you still have room to grow.
jeffprobs 29
Unless your sticking your dick in a hallway, you'll be fine ;) girls are more mental than physical atleast the ones ive been with
DoomedGemini 38
Why would you stick your dick in a hallway? That doesn't seem very pleasurable at all, and you could expose yourself! Are you trying to get op arrested??
mollybelle 13
#96 Assuming you're not being sarcastic, dick (or hotdog as I've heard) in a hallway -> girl is very loose/doesn't do kegels.
ladycoco8 20
It's definitely in how you use it, not the size. I've had my fair share of experiences and the average is typically better than the large. But I've also never had a bad experience with large ones, only small. Also I don't know. You'll be fine (:
Railroader 16
I lost track of what you were trying to say.
ladycoco8 20
I'm sorry!
hpandher 16
Sorry what???
tiredofwaiting 25
It is not the size that matters it is how you use it that matters. Big is not always better trust me.