Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML
Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, I’ve suffered my whole life with a bunch of genetic conditions and I found out why at my dad's funeral. A bunch of relatives from America attended and one of them secretly told me my parents emigrated to England under a cloud of shame because they were brother and sister. I’m inbred. FML
Today, I’m getting a very interesting demonstration of how genetics work: I have inherited all my dad’s health issues, plus those from my mom, plus a bunch of new ones that belong exclusively to me. FML
Today, my dad's will included a DNA test he did on me when I was 3, proving I’m not his son. I thought we had a great relationship, but apparently he secretly hated me all these years for mom cheating, and decided to embarrass me in front of our family, half of whom it turns out I’m not related to. FML
Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML
Today, we got the results of our family's ancestry DNA tests. My father isn't related to me, but my grandfather is still my grandfather. Apparently grandma cheated on grandpa to get 'dad', and my mother cheated on 'dad' with my 'uncle' to get me. FML
Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML
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Top comments
smilevue 23
It's all in the technique. ;)
dman798 18
Be confident in yourself and how you are
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Comments (147)
Rodville 28
Speaking as an old man I am a hair above the average mark and my father was **** star big (he used to walk around nude *shudder*) and out of the double digits I have been privileged to be with only one said I was too small. But I think she was just being mean because I broke it off with her. Even if she was being honest I look at it this way.... Can't please everyone.
N0RealName 4
My boyfriend had the reverse, his dad used to walk around naked and he'd giggle coz he was bigger than his dad. Honestly though, trying to fit it in takes a lot of foreplay and its painful for the both of us, it rips at his foreskin going in and then hits my stomach once its there.
miianah1 22
your gender says female on my phone...
jvanevery 19
don't worry dicks actually get biggerr with age they are made entirely of cartilage which continues to grow forever if I really have a small dick you should work on your tongue skills
kainpwnsu 19
Sounds like your dad is a massive dick. ;)
SneakyDeath 15
I want a follow-up on this fml post.
Thundernutz 15
Here i thought i was clever when i called mine "My 3rd arm" :( your dad's called his "3rd leg"... TRIPOD anyone?
LostDN 9
plot twist 2 dad's and got the other ones junk
PandaSage 10
(this is gonna sound wierd but) You probably got your moms dick
gsiebold 8
It's not the size of the boat that matters, it's the motion of the ocean. Trust me though, it still takes a heck of a long time to get to England in a row boat...