Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML
Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML
Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML
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Top comments
Peasanthunter_fml 0
Trying to use fml to help in your cover story is a horrible plan.
rebekahmarie 0
...So lying in your bed laughing automatically means you're masturbating?
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Comments (96)
screamo_neve 12
You should have went ahead and laughed! That way he wouldn't have thought you were masturbating... Hahaha.
cr4497 4
YDI I wouldve thought you were masturbating too
larisonr 4
I laugh a lot while masturbating, it's unfortunately a dead give away anymore.
captaincrook 0
that's funny I can imagine ur situation... though I can't stop laughing now :D
manda_baby_rawr 4
I like how OP is from North Carolina...and 36 thinks she's from Canada. I also enjoy how a couple of you think she's a "he." Learn to read please. We all learned this in grade one. -.-'
nikki898 0
how do you know when we learned to read? I learned to read in kindygarten. don't yell at me please I'm not trying to start something I'm just saying. (:D)
Bobissmall 13
I never did grade one :'(
perdix 31
He may have been wrong this time, but you've probably been indiscreet with your fapping long enough that it was a really good guess.
stewpididiot 11
WIN !!
97currie 0
I know this is an old post, but girls "fap?" I thought that slang was for guys only. because we don't really make that noise...
seximexi911 10
so does you're brother read these fmls? haha because this seems like a terrible cover up story. why exactly did you have to "hold in a laugh" when you're just chillin in bed? lies op haha
st3lios89 0
u were masturbating! period!
nikki898 0
how do u no when we learned to read? I learned in kindygarten. but please don't start yelling at me I'm not trying to start something just asking (:D)
nikki898 0
this was a comment on 49 but it showed up twice.
Lotem_KW 3
that's not really an FML. you shoulda been all like "hey at least I have something to jerk and it makes my girlfriend satisfied."
sjch 0
OP is a girl...