Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML
Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML
Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML
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Top comments
Peasanthunter_fml 0
Trying to use fml to help in your cover story is a horrible plan.
rebekahmarie 0
...So lying in your bed laughing automatically means you're masturbating?
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Comments (96)
redbellylizard 0
If i was there, you would b doing more then just biting ur lip ;)
emsiti 6
i still dont!
jwidmayer 4
close the door and lock it since you apparently still live at home... next time might be your parents- try telling them you were holding in a laugh.
katieebug 0
wait, you started grunting?? hahahaha :D
Cenobyte 10
Sounds to me like you were masturbating. Tell your brother to mind his own business.
myselfami 1
I hope you learned your lesson from this. Just laugh next time.
mattxhavoc 2
Who's brother comes in when he hears their sister grunting? FYL.
TobyFunke 3
"Today, I wrote a FMLife post to convince my brother that I wasnt masturbating" Why would you try to hold in mild laughter while in bed alone, why would you grunt and bite your lip trying to hold in laughter. I honestly had to hold in laughter in bed last night because of something I thought of, but I was in bed with my girlfriend who was already asleep, so there was a point to holding it in. All I did was shake back and forth and make barely audible sounds. You got caught masturbater!
xx000o 27
Why should you care what he thinks. If you were masturbating; then you were masturbating. If you were laughing; then you were laughing. Bottom line, it just doesn't make any difference
Raynes_worlde 0
Bahahahahaha definite fail (did I use it correctly I don't wanna start another word war sheesh) if I were you I'd take my brother to a therapist for "walking by your door suddenly"