Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML
Precision strike
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
High times
Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother performing voodoo on a doll with my picture taped to its face. FML
Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML
Panic! In the Bathroom
Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell, and hit my head on the faucet. FML
Top comments
Welshite 40
Walnuts or cashews?
A_Perfect_Circle 12
Tickle me Elmo just got creepy
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Comments (126)
Welshite 40
Walnuts or cashews?
pinkgal2129 8
Good one.
Quackadoodledoo 13
Nah, must've been coconuts.
pinkgal2129 8
Why are people disliking my comment? I'm not trying to be clever or say a joke, I'm not being sarcastic either! just saying it was a good one!
cyanidesandwich 21
27 - there's a button for that, you don't need to comment it.
yeatesj 9
I think they were peenuts
sterling1113 15
@27; you're 13. My sister is almost your age and if she were on sites like this, where language and content is rather open, I'd be kind of upset. I almost thumbed you down just because of your age. People on this site don't censor themselves, it's not a very kid-friendly place in my opinion. /rant over
pinkgal2129 8
complete bitches. Anyway, I'm free to do and say what I wanna do and say, 13 is the limit on this site, and if I were 18 or whatever, you guys would think differently wouldn't you? Besides, I just wanna let #1 it was a funny joke, and I KNOW there's a button( I pressed it, ok?)I've known this site for 2 years. If you think you can just be all mean cause someone says what they think, then the same goes for you. I'll say whatever I want, cause I can. And not only are people like this, people like YOU are even more annoying, annoying others, every chance they get. So... Annoy yourselves.
sterling1113 15
Wasn't tying to hate; hope I didn't come off that way. Guess I'm just protective considering I practically raised my sister, everyone is different. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I know that much. Sorry I made you feel like you have to be rude.
Nonamesavailable 7
**** off #33. is that kid friendly?
thomcmoore 23
#37, your response to everything is why you're being down voted.
JustinKirby 20
He sounds nutty.
tigerborn69 18
#18 Stfu u dumb *****
oddities 20
#37, you're being down voted because of the way you act. It's kind of unnecessary and annoying. Which is why (if they wouldn't already avoid me because I apparently have Loseritis) I would avoid people like you if there were any at my school like the plague. Also, before you assume I'm some asshole geezer who doesn't even go to school anymore that just thinks you're a brat or whatever, I'm the same age as you.
glabberfasted 16
She acts that way because she's 13... Which is why sites like this should raise the age requirement.
oddities 20
#69, not all 13 year old's act like that, though. Some are actually pretty mature (note that I said some, and by "some," I mean the very rare and in between kind of "some"). How would I know? I'm 13. I know more than a few 13 year olds (and younger) who are actually mature. I also know a lot of … Shall we say, less than mature 13 year olds. What the site needs is some sort of maturity test you have to take to be allowed to create an account. Then again, our population would probably get cut down a lot if that happened. (I kid, we may joke around a lot but we know when to stop and be serious.)
gracehi 33
Pinkgal, Sometimes your comments will get buried. Sometimes it's because you were being mean. Sometimes it's because what you're saying is obvious or unnecessary. Sometimes it's because you have an unpopular although totally valid opinion. Sometimes it's because people misunderstand your point. Sometimes it's because your spelling or grammar is incorrect. And sometimes it's because you take things too personally or seriously. I get buried now and then. Everyone does. Even very popular commenters like Perdix and Doc Bastard get buried. This site is supposed to be entertaining, so have fun. Don't get worked up over something as trivial as getting buried. It's really not a big deal at all.
WeskersSexslave 15
testicles
rgearon 8
To the 13-year-old: You were clearly trying to be sarcastic, and your comment wasn't funny. None of us were born yesterday, and we are not stupid. Say what you want to say, but your immaturity is evident.
thomcmoore 23
#69 (hehe), raising the age limit won't change anything. This is the internet where any 12 year old can be 21 and any 51 year old can be 15 and the opposite gender.
cyanidesandwich 21
37 - Yikes, a 13 year old with a temper. What else is new? Big whoop you've been on this site for 2 years, i've been here longer, it really doesn't matter. In all honesty, you sound like an obnoxious twat.
tj4234 36
You've been on here for two years and you have 66 visits to this site? You're hardly a regular and barely know this site at all it seems xD. Also chill out. As has been said, everyone gets buried every once in a while. I got buried just the other day in fact and people usually upvote me.
oreoeater 21
Ha u have no idea what 13/14 year olds of this generation are like do u?
oreoeater 21
And I'm sorry but why are we making such a fuss over 2 ******* words?
oddities 20
#92 and #109, please tell me you were talking to the other 13 year old. I assume so but I can't be sure because neither of you specify.
pinkgal2129 8
And the way you guys all think you act perfect yourselves and treat people my age like this, no matter what we say is a reason I'm acting like this. You don't know what has happened to me, what's up with my life and how hard it has been. So I think I can deal with "mature content". I've seen it a thousand times, and I don't care anymore. Don't treat like a little kid, cause just because I have the age of one, trust me, I'm very much different. So don't tell me what to do, I can go on fml if I want. And, I can let people know they have a nice sense of humour, without simply pressing a button.
pinkgal2129 8
Gracehi, I know, I know but it's annoying when that happens if your having a bad day and they completely got the point wrong. I WASN'T BEING SARCASTIC. and for your info, people, I've dealt with many, horrible, bad news and things in my life, yet I've rarely acted "unacceptable" and "kid like". BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I'M QUITE MATURE FOR MY AGE. and I know what you're gonna say. It's hard to believe that I'm actually mature, and you're gonna mock me and everything. Well guess what? I've dealt with people like you, and in the end I always, ALWAYS, prove myself right in the case of MY maturity. So, just say what you wanna say, believe it or not, this generation thinks little kids should just all play with dolls, and toy, and watch cartoons, well the kids of this generation changes too, so don't act like we belong somewhere else.
pinkgal2129 8
New. Account @103
ILookAtFMLs 13
You're not helping yourself here. Just stop.
avapaige1234 19
This thread has gotten more drama than it should
A_Perfect_Circle 12
Tickle me Elmo just got creepy
FracturedMinds 21
Hehe! That tickles my no-no space!
oddities 20
#2, Tickle me Elmo has always been creepy.
Matt_Hazard 16
More like Tickle me Emo.
mariab2898 13
Hopefully he won't remember it!
cakefete2 31
Yea, but OP will never forget.
oddities 20
#45, if only Brain Bleach existed. That's something I would want to forget.
sweetest_jenn 18
I would want to make sure he never forgets it lol. You want him to lay off the crack? This method might have a high success rate.
oddities 20
#88, to me, it sounds more like OP's brother is smoking weed than doing crack. From what I've seen, crack tends to make people kind of edgy and paranoid where weed relaxes people and makes them really happy.
datkenna 20
He was preparing himself for 420
angelitared 27
Snapchat his picture to all his friends!!!
Credibleskills 28
this, a thousand times over
TheCrispyCat 20
Am I the only one who thinks Snapchat is the stupidest thing ever? Next to Vine and Instagram?
steve31789 8
Not a great sight to walk in on, but hey if he's happy let him be haha
slick5880 22
Your razor?
andiesaur 18
Poor thing. Time to try and forget.
tigerborn69 18
Your bro seems nuts
extremeranger1 8
why dont people lock washrooms...so weird
Luisito0h 1
why dont people knock on washrooms
iateapenguin 27
He clearly takes 420 very seriously!
ariiewilliams 17
Op is in the United States, it's not 4/20 anywhere in the USA at the moment
glabberfasted 16
36 - Time zones, my friend. Time zones.
ariiewilliams 17
41- that still doesn't change the fact that it's 4/19 in the United States
oddities 20
I guess he could be preparing for 4/20. Still not 4/20 in the USA yet, though.
glabberfasted 16
It could be 4-19 in California, and 4-20 in New York. Am I really the only one who understands this? There's a good few hour time gap where NY is ahead of CA, making it "tomorrow" in New York, and yesterday in California.
glabberfasted 16
FOR INSTANCE - I just checked my world clock. It is currently 9:56 pm 4-19-14 where I am, and 12:56 Am 4-20-14 in New York.
oddities 20
#70, but the time the FML was submitted doesn't match up. And, yes, it's definitely 4/20 in NYC and the general east coast. I would know seeing as I lived there until this summer. I understand the whole time zone thing very well actually, since I moved all the way across the country to California and have experienced multiple other time zones on vacations over the years.
ariiewilliams 17
70&72- the fml was submitted at 2 in the afternoon, nowhere in the United States was it close to midnight. Besides when i made my comment earlier it was like almost 7 in Cali making it about 10 in the east coast
oddities 20
#76, I know. He still could've been prepping though. If he got out early, didn't go to school, or isn't in school (or isn't employed, or if his job is a night job), then it would be possible. I actually brought up how the submission time makes it implausible for it to have been 4/20 anywhere in the USA but I digress. Also, yeah, I know what time it was in Cali. I actually live in Cali, the LA-ish part (not downtown but still technically LA county). Also what time it would be in the east coast, I grew up (for the most part) in NYC.
oddities 20
Ignore the school bit. My day's been so full that my brain died a little and I didn't realize it was Saturday.
Dave_Davington 34
#36, it's not "4/20" anywhere outside the US and Canada, it's actually 20/4.
iateapenguin 27
Seriously? I got downvoted for being in a different timezone? Grow the **** up and start downvoting comments that are actually abusive, not ones that make mistakes -_-