Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML
Today, I picked out a massive two-inch long ingrown hair on my chin. I called my girlfriend in to take a look. She saw it, shrieked, then fainted, cracking her head on the toilet as she fell. Hello, hospital bill. FML
Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML
Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML
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Top comments
Exodiafinder687 58
Why did you have to rush to the hospital? Your wife could have just sucked the spider venom out.
712sash 26
Well, would you rather prefer a spider bite on your penis?
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Comments (59)
xSphinx 18
I bet you can't spell gullible, haha. seriously though, being in the field sucks. ytc and ntc need to burn.
Tidus0 17
But wouldn't you rather your wife be concerned over these things and try look after you? What if it was a spider bite which you ignored and then it turns out the toxins shot the nerves where you couldn't get erect or anything. That affects your wife as well.
gintwinsmoore 20
she needs to take her ass back to nursing school or give up the ghost on that one...
travellingfun 18
Atleast you got the ingrown hair problem sorted out.
sassy2085 16
Better safe then sorry!
kimm_xD 7
you would think you would know if a spider bit you down there hahaha...your wife is awesome Lmfao ??
AcieMcG 21
You're gonna wish it had been a deadly spider bite after you get that ER bill.
whynotbliss 18
You got lucky! A guy I was in the field with thought he had a spider bite on his penis, turns out it was herpies. He caught his wife with another guy after he told her we would be back two days after we really were.
JIMMY_THE_JEW_II 17
if you have hair on your dick, you should probably be more concerned about getting that checked out
sharond23 10
why woukd you stand nude in a cold exam room? ever hear of a gown?