Today, my husband called and said he couldn’t make it home tonight from a party, because his car's battery had died and his friends didn’t have any jumper cables. When I offered to pick him up, he adamantly declined. I offered an Uber. Again, declined, and he got pissed, saying, “Stop worrying so much!” and hung up on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend begged me to spend an extra night at his house. I agreed, cancelled my Uber, and arranged for my pets to be cared for, since I wasn't coming home. Five minutes later, he decided that he had to work tonight instead. Then he got angry at me for leaving. FML
Today, I asked my husband to borrow his phone, since mine had died. His response was, “Well, you have a charger, use it.” When I reminded him that we weren’t at home, he screamed at me in front of everyone at the store, “I’m not letting you go through my phone and that’s final!” FML
Today, my husband and I went out to dinner. I caught him writing down his number for the waitress. When I confronted him, his response was, "What? I'm not allowed to have friends?" and threw a fit over my "irrational paranoia." I had to walk home in the cold, because he kicked me out of the car mid-argument. FML
Today, my husband and I were having an argument over accidentally leaving a to-go container of leftovers at a restaurant. He asked me why I didn’t remind him and I said that I forgot. He asked me, “What if you forgot to breathe one day? You’d die.” Then he kicked me out of the car and told me to walk home. FML
Today, I called my husband when his shift at work ended to talk about what we needed to do this weekend. He got angry and asked if he could have "five goddamn minutes" after work to get home and change before I started "throwing the fucking to do list at me." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, my husband got mad at me for not helping take out the groceries from the car. He yelled that I'm lazy, and that he regrets our marriage. I guess he forgot that the door handle on that side is broken and he had to let me out of the car. FML
Today, I had to give my husband a tutorial on how to use jumper cables. Confused and flustered, he requested written instructions. FML
Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML
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Top comments
randybryant799 21
So. He is obviously cheating.
Hangryko 32
Yeah, he's lying.
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Comments (7)
randybryant799 21
So. He is obviously cheating.
1known 34
So you went to get him I hope.
Hangryko 32
Yeah, he's lying.
RichardPencil 32
Why are you confused AF? He wants to stay at the party or with someone he met at the party. His car is just fine.
Brightside86 31
Obviously he's picking out jewelry for you, it's an all night event, and he wants it to be a surprise.
kitten79TX 5
Sounds like he's cheating and was making excuses to be able to get laid by some other person.
Grumpy Jack 27
Why do people always think of cheating ? Maybe he went on a ride with 2 other people and when passing over a speed bump, he accidentally shot the one sitting on the back seat. Now, he's trying to figure out how to get rid of the body and how to clean the interior of the car... Must be cheating, I guess !