Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
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Top comments
TraceCase_ 19
Guess the next time he's looking for a BJ, you're gonna be busy washing your hair. Seriously though...try some Head and Shoulders
a_cassie 4
that's kind of awkward
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Comments (268)
KickItHigh 32
is*
Tporr80 0
Tell him no more head 4 u...I have my own head 2 shine!!! FHL, HaHa!!
NPN_Scorpio 16
Way to focus, bf.
ScoundrelDays 0
I know! What's with the vicious comments!? Clearly the guys' at fault for being a tactless twit. As if all of these posters have bodies/habits beyond critiquing. And some of the male comments! Misogyny: alive and well here.
marissabunge23 0
take care of it! jesus
Sournick 0
U should've bit his dick off
logan7058 0
lol
kei1108 13
Maybe you should've known him long enough to know how much if a jerk he was.. a ********? really?
1970chevelless 0
ummm...no comment
KickItHigh 32
You just commented, therefore a comment.
diehlx3 0
wow what a dick