Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML
Today, I found out the off-duty cop who beat my face in front of a dozen witnesses was wasn’t even charged with assault. I have court in two weeks. FML
Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML
Today, I went to court because I got a traffic ticket for running a red light. While I was in court, I found out it was actually for a car I had sold years ago. FML
Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML
Today, I went to school wearing the same jacket I had gone hiking in the previous day. When I found out that I had left my 2" pocket knife in the pocket I immediately turned it in to the front office. They promptly had me arrested for bringing a weapon on campus. FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said, "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML
Today, in court, I got a kid out of a prison sentence because I genuinely believed he was innocent. He and his mom were so happy, he even hugged me afterwards. It took me a minute to realise he'd pick-pocketed my keys and stole my car. FML
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Top comments
twinny_sc 13
You, sir, are a **** up.
jerome1995 4
Smooth.
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Comments (143)
enopola 5
You should have butt smuggled it. But serious it's Texas, surprised the judge didn't want to compare blade sizes. But honestly you should have known better, if you have a switch blade in your shoe it's not like your using it for work.
josebeto1 6
Oops? No, YDI
azkollias08 8
Don't you have to pass through security to enter a court house?
azkollias08 8
Yeah but I mean like an imprisoned man couldn't be carrying around a switchblade because security would be consistently checking him
ItsTheKing 10
You like switch blades in your butthole dont you?
bitchesbecrazy2 4
your gonna need that switchblade to protect your behind for where your goin
Munchkin13 6
Wow, how can you forget that?
123amanda123 14
why was it in ur shoe?
lol0wnee 5
Are you stupid?
lol0wnee 5
Dumbass
BBYgirl_22 3
well youre a fucktard. you deserve to be in jail. BAD!
deathfyre8 13
Badly* since bad is an adjective and therefore cannot be used as an adverb so the correct form would be "badly".