Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to school wearing the same jacket I had gone hiking in the previous day. When I found out that I had left my 2" pocket knife in the pocket I immediately turned it in to the front office. They promptly had me arrested for bringing a weapon on campus. FML
Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML
Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML
Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML
Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML
Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML
Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML
Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML
Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
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Top comments
Gucci_Girl 2
who'd you stab?
perdix 31
You shouldn't have been wearing your new hockey mask at the same time.
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Comments (241)
Gucci_Girl 2
who'd you stab?
Trololololololo_fml 7
He'd probably let you off if you showed him the receipt
ImaWiseGuy 5
should've took the cop to your stabbin cabin....
scarletdragonfly 5
You have to admit, that would look pretty suspicious.
NomOnShroomz 14
God damn it OJ! I thought you learned your lesson!
dolphincheddar 10
op is female. therefore your comment is irrelevant
Hockeyboy4280 18
How was he agreeing with me? May I just ask that?
cgchamp89 7
OJ was innocent... the glove didn't fit.
caitlyndeon18 10
OP's a girl
NomOnShroomz 14
No, OP SAYS he/she is a girl.
fruityloopz 4
why would you buy just one knife? I thought kitchen knives came in packs
Veraymix 6
Shit, shoulda had them wrap it up.
princessRiRi97 0
How did they know you had a knife shouldnt you have the knife in a packaging box and the box in the bag that came from the store you brought it from
alexg823 0
It would make more sense to argue the fact that OP isn't OJ...
ILUVMSC 5
stabbin cabbin?? WTF???
im_so_ninja 0
maybe he stole the knife
RileyL29 0
163: I settled for a set but for people who do a lot of cooking, they do sell individual knives.
ShakeMeDown 12
this fml was posted twice lmao
Krajjan 9
Welcome to the UK. Where you can't fart without being charged with possession of chemical weapons. Little paranoid, don't you think?
Monii_Harlz 11
:/ wow! cops these days... it's ridiculous !
christianmary182 0
you have the best picture in the world
Monii_Harlz 11
:D thankyou! they are very much the best band in the world haha *like*like*like*like* your comment aha
MrSassypants 34
It depends if she was just holding it, tossing it up in the air and yelling "Freedom!" then I can see why but if she had it in a box or a bag then the cops are pretty stupid.
Monii_Harlz 11
haha true true!
MrSassypants 34
Kinda off topic but sinceOP got arrested because she carried a knife home how would she buy a gun? Also can I get arrested if I walk around in handcuffs?
christianmary182 0
they're still the greatest band. i can't wait to see them in concert again!
wrigleys 4
well you can only buy shotguns and rifles, and you have to have a license and a reason, ie a farmer. seeing as she lives in london i doubt she'd be allowed to have one. its easier to buy it off a 10yr old on the street
hmna 0
#32, OP is in Great Britain. They have much stricter gun control than the US. As in it's illegal to own a pistol, unless it's a muzzle loader. Rifles are also heavily restricted.
FTWaffles 2
Lol well it must have been a pretty big and savage-looking knife...
SadinSherman 16
The cops had good intentions.
lilmissy18 1
so no box? just a random knife carrying it in the open wow
alexg823 0
:/ wow! Shitty music these days! Can you believe it?
kingjames2306 0
thats why violents are low over in great britian cause not just anyone can get a gun like you can in usa
wtfcammelcheese 0
well really there is no problem if everyone has weapons or no one has weapons. it's only when few people do, then theirs a problem. and btw I live in Australia which also have tough gun laws
wtfcammelcheese 0
there's *
BananEnigma 24
Rofl, "violents are low"....
picklezz123 5
shouldve put that knife to use right there ;)
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
That sounds like a terrible idea xD
flighted 1
no, that sounds like an amazing idea. can't get a ticket if dick cop is dead! -for all you idiots out there: let me clarify. I am joking
hellokat1 0
Your dog is adorable!
TheMegaFridge 0
flighted, you forgot te E in if.. :D
flighted 1
133- hahah thanks! yours too, they seem to be twins :D 139- silly me ;) hahha
knightsfb 0
139 you forgot the h in the
SirKiro_fml 5
.. To cut then a nice salad and impress them woth your cooking skills
ant1078 7
show them a receipt?
Hockeyboy4280 18
59- How does one get banned from FML? OH WAIT, I see it in your latest comment. Smh
ashlinnmarie 0
didn't you have a bag or a receipt? to show you just bought it?
steeledwolf 8
Question, Where you holding the knife when you were pulled over?
BruisedGiraffe 15
He was probably walking otherwise the cop would have no clue what was in his car
dixieboo 0
because a kitchen knife is that scary to a cop.
jewknowit710 2
you have obviously never worked a day of law enforcement lol. if I'm responding and someone walks up with a knife I'm hands on pistol
cgchamp89 7
85, right on! I know where you're coming from. There are a lot of idiots out there. Stay safe.
Krajjan 9
With respect to LE, there's a reason they say never bring a knife to a gunfight. Same reason I was the last cycle to receive bayonet training. Sure, they're dangerous. If you know what you're doing and for some reason the gunman decided to neutralize his advantage and walk up to you.
iAmScrubs 19
"Get on the ground, no talking!" "But I just needed a new knife to cut my fillet mignon"
Monii_Harlz 11
yummy!! :D love fillet mignons
sourgirl101 29
Porterhouse/t-bone all the way! You get the N.Y. stripe and the filet mignon at the same time!(: IMO filet mignon is a little too bland if it's not wrapped in bacon.
LakersFanatiC 3
well if u were walking home on the sidewalk with a huge freaking kitchen knife.... YDI
FMLandurstoo 9
It shouldn't be illegal to just have a knife.
Monii_Harlz 11
yeah were I live in Rockingham in Australia, everyone has knives on them! it's the biggest bogan, dero capital haha
kirsty777 3
haha,I'm from Perth too, that place is bogan central :p
wrigglezeus 0
Alot of knife crimes and gang knifings happen in London. Make anyone jumpy. Most police wear stab-proof vests in the UK now.
unluckiestperson_fml 14
I agree with 79, knife crime is a huge problem over here, even though it was a harmless reason OP had the knife, the cops have to be strict, they don't know it's a harmless situation. But would the knife not be in a box or packet or something?
flighted 1
.....can someone define "bogan"? or is that just some weird Australian talk, and am I out of the loop? lol .....
bluegoldfish 7
don't worry its australian
geeksaresexy 18
#92 I think it's like a chav or something.. Seriously people Google, how does it work? Took me 2secs to find that out..
Hummbinger 5
Lower class scum. A little like rednecks.
geeksaresexy 18
So pretty much a chav for those of us in the UK.
WOGBRO 6
Yes Herbert I am sure you want to ban knifes because you attack people with something else.