Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML
Today, having such terrible social anxiety and being terrified of confrontation, I confided in my apartment's maintenance man about my neighbor not picking up her dog’s poop. He assured me he’d handle it. He reported her to the leasing office, and now she and her kids are getting evicted. I feel bad. FML
Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
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Top comments
Ben360 6
Stop hogging the bathroom!
dreamering 16
You got to teach your husband what bathroom is there for.
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Comments (177)
LizzJizz 16
Best shit i've read all day :')
robberry 11
Why were her groceries on the fire escape?
foxmatrix15 8
U totally deserve it and paying for it is half the problem now tell ur husband to stop being a bitch and craps like a dog and you stop taking to long in the bathroom u deserve it too
Wynthos 2
Greatest twist ending ever.
Wreckless_fml 6
What a legend.
wriptidez 0
ewww
minx663 1
WTF is wrong with your husband? YDI for marrying a douche.
tona01 16
Not a douche but aaaaaa.... (drums playing in the background) dipshit
Deathhound 27
LOL, I would have been ashamed too.
coolkidjd 2
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ur husbands a dumbass xD hahahahahaha no affense but thats ******* hilarious. xD
Shafreeka 8
Offense**
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
You should of told her.."oh yeah, the shit.. that's free the first time but next time it'll cost ya... and my urine is extra, everytime... do ya want some now!!!???" then tell her to go f#%* herself since you didn't shit in her grocery bag... cause YOU didn't!!! Then give your moron husband a diaper!!