Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML
Today, having such terrible social anxiety and being terrified of confrontation, I confided in my apartment's maintenance man about my neighbor not picking up her dog’s poop. He assured me he’d handle it. He reported her to the leasing office, and now she and her kids are getting evicted. I feel bad. FML
Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
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Top comments
Ben360 6
Stop hogging the bathroom!
dreamering 16
You got to teach your husband what bathroom is there for.
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Comments (177)
Ben360 6
Stop hogging the bathroom!
andy_l 14
You kinda have to get a dog now.
howdmynosego 12
So do you bring plastic bags when you go out with him
Iamnotmyself 17
I don't know about you, but, have you considered retraining?
Jacobt24 19
The husband must've eaten something spicy if he was pooping on the fire escape . .
YourEvilHero 12
I would have told her I don't have a dog and said I have no clue how you got shit on your groceries
PutItIn 8
He just he just shitted on em!!
rplovez 9
Or he just really doesn't like the neighbor :P
Jennyboo5797 4
Break out the trusty ol' newspaper and beat his ass for pooping in the wrong place! ;)
Ali_Br_fml 33
Lolz @ 60 or lay the newspaper down on the fire escape so he can use it. You need to start walking your husband so he will stop having "accidents" in neighbors' groceries... People can't leave groceries on fire escapes without animals crapping in them...(sarcasm) If someone stole them whose fault would it be? It's the neighbor's fault. What if it started raining??? Wet groceries? Don't leave groceries outside.
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
Bullshit OP
TheRealHouse 7
This takes telling someone to "eat shit" to a whole new level
Pixxio_O 11
Now the government has to pay for "husband poo" bins in parks...
idancewithrev 0
that's embarassing...I guess I was a little drunk.
ktateprado 0
Or just wait until he does it again, then push him off.
kdawg360 0
****** up dude All that is ridiculous Keep your husband on a leash Ewwwwww
PutItIn 8
Wait till they find out you don't have a dog.
darkstar2013 0
Why was your husband pooping ??
zakkyzebra 11
So you're telling me you don't shit?
YayorNay 8
I don't.
cc_the_beast 6
Girls don't shit, or fart.
sxe_beast 11
Neither do gays :)
flashback.miss 28
@ 2 I think it'd be obvious why that natural function exists =p
MistaChristoph 0
Cause people poop u retard
obialderick7 0
Why not?
androiddestroya 7
everybody poops :D
ktateprado 0
Shit happens. But still, that's a shitty situation to be in.
bananiesrnanies 0
She *****. Just not on the fire escape dumbass
iruelissparky 10
Good use of shit
dreamering 16
You got to teach your husband what bathroom is there for.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
Smack him with a newspaper and rub his face in it next time
iJeremyTyler 0
OP: She's coming! Husband: Got it! OP: 3, 2, 1, bombs away! Neighbor:... WTF?
ktateprado 0
Neighbor: Damn it, not again!
lalala2589 0
OP, why you married to this barbaric moron?
Zareen 0
This is why someone decided to create bathrooms...
Brool_Story_Co 17
Maybe you should have put that money towards getting another bathroom so you don't have to shit in the fire escape
raphanne_fml 33
Yeah, first behind a dumpster and now on the fire escape? What's wrong with your bathroom?
StopDropNRoll 11
Bathrooms are over rated =P
maz255 10
too mainstream
THEKAISER 4
Lol for awhile i thought i was the only one who does that
daysgoby902 6
someone needs to train your husband
MrleClochard 4
Cesar Milan, ofcourse.
zaveeshaveesh3 7
Lol he is a BEAST
vlaws17 5
No kidding
preetaleet 9
Someone needs to go back to potty training school
Person1233 13
You went to school for that?
tona01 16
She did, she now has a diploma hanging in her bathroom and a little statue of a toilet
preetaleet 9
Yes,Yes I do have a potty diploma.
loveexgirl 15
What is wrong with your husband?
Salvikidd 6
He needs potty training
rsingleton 3
What is your problem dressed as a cat!
alex6946 10
So your husband just crapped on the fire escape? lol that's strange
BiGD3317 0
honey why didn't you tell me we had snickers. Snickers?? that's doo doo baby!
zaveeshaveesh3 7
Fail