Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML
Today, having such terrible social anxiety and being terrified of confrontation, I confided in my apartment's maintenance man about my neighbor not picking up her dog’s poop. He assured me he’d handle it. He reported her to the leasing office, and now she and her kids are getting evicted. I feel bad. FML
Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
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Top comments
Ben360 6
Stop hogging the bathroom!
dreamering 16
You got to teach your husband what bathroom is there for.
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Comments (177)
Zebidee 9
So ashamed that you posted it on the internet under your full name?
DawnMarie11 0
I agree here, why on earth use your Real name in connection with this story of pure stupidity?
johnnybagodonuts 2
YDI for marrying a guy that ***** on fire escapes
TheDrifter 24
I wouldn't be so sure. I've known a number of women who lock themselves in the bathroom for over two hours at a time, doing whatever it is they do in there.
SolemnlyLove 7
Do americans take random ***** on fire escapes now?
DawnMarie11 0
No Americans don't this jerk is what gives Americans a bad name, trust me most Americans are embarassed to acknowledge him as a human let alone an American.
superdelis 1
What the hell was he thinking?
cufaoil 11
. o (toilet is blocked again.... gotta drop a deuce real bad... I KNOW! The fire escape!!)
lalala2589 0
Something tells me *humans* like him don't do a whole lot of thinking.
Vmonster 0
Now I can totally see why you're attracted to your husband.
churchic 5
This. Is. Awesome.
Glambert_lover 5
Time for potty training again.
blank_jack 0
Disgusting! No words to describe such idiocracy!
iRiS890 5
Idiocracy? Really? Please let that be sarcastic and to have just gone completely over my head.
sparxva 12
Your husband is a dog. Buy that bad boy a leash and a collar if he is going to behave like that.