Today, while lying in bed with my fiancé, we were talking about how we'd rather die, if given a choice. I said, "I want to die in my sleep next to you." His response? "It'd be sexier if you were on top of me with your face between my legs." Cute, honey. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
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Top comments
rasta_pasta 4
You're both creepy and weird, deal with it.
guppy40000 0
it wouldnt be so cute when your jaw closed and locked. chomp chomp chomp
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Comments (65)
Celesta 11
At least he was honest :)
iSitt 0
what if she bites down by reflex?
randiZ25 0
he was honest, and it had something to do with op.. don't see the fml here..?
Ouchy265 0
Then he's f*cked xD
noto_fml 0
agreed I just ain't seeing the FML
RedPillSucks 33
What if she bites down and rigor mortis sets in?
kittykat52810 0
well I guess that is how he dies =D
Mirorbo 27
Somehow, I don't remember men always being perverted pricks like this. I'm sorry the mood was ruined for you, darling.
mzshorty 0
I agree
Lucidium 0
Why do you say darling so much, it's weird.
J0gby 0
i know right? even the younger ones are starting to act this way.
Alleged_Cranium 7
'cause women be crazy bitches.
Zya_fml 8
Well, his picture and name is a character from Pokemon. That character tends to say darling a lot too. So, he's probably imitating or he has a similar personality to Miror B.
Ashley121645 0
im sick of men growing up and being douchebags that say **** in every sentence. what happened to manners in front of a lady and clean mouths seriouly it sucks lol.
Alleged_Cranium 7
Ashley, Don't place all the blame on men. There are a whole lot of women that aren't ladies. These 'girls' go around cussing all the time to show that they are empowered.
MnBran6 0
35 check your friend zone, I'm sure you'll find a nice guy.
lovinit5683 0
Honesty in this case might've not been the best. Ha, but he was so I guess that just sucks for you.
unidentified_sta 5
>Sucks for you Not quite, reread the FML.
lovinit5683 0
In my opinion it does suck for her. No need to "reread" the FML.
mts1000ds 0
and how is that working out for ya?
ShadyFTW1 0
dumbass
missjessicaaaa 0
hahahahahahahhaaha hilarious
attatood 8
ageed. ^^^^^ What she said^^^^ :P
unidentified_sta 5
Since he is your fiancé he must be doing something right I'd suppose. Must be joking around then.
Storm121693 0
too bad. but it grandpa was just worried about u
Sirin_fml 47
I'm not quite sure how to take that, but I think you're on the wrong FML!
SandiRainbowFish 20
Lol yeah wrong FML
Doortje 30
Wow, your fiancé has issues.
guppy40000 0
it wouldnt be so cute when your jaw closed and locked. chomp chomp chomp
LOLSMILEYFACE331 0
Haha! oh wow!(:
Lord_Osiris 0
But then if she died with cum in her mouth, OP's bf might be charged with murder or at least necrophelia. Not a good situation.