Today, while lying in bed with my fiancé, we were talking about how we'd rather die, if given a choice. I said, "I want to die in my sleep next to you." His response? "It'd be sexier if you were on top of me with your face between my legs." Cute, honey. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
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Top comments
rasta_pasta 4
You're both creepy and weird, deal with it.
guppy40000 0
it wouldnt be so cute when your jaw closed and locked. chomp chomp chomp
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Comments (65)
perdix 31
I guess he doesn't fear being charged with murder for choking her to death. He's sure he'll get off because of insufficient evidence ;)
GavinRoskamp 0
I see what you did there, and approve of this message!
therealsuperman 0
sexy until rigor mortis bites your dick off
ImaginaryFoe 1
He's half right. There's nothing sexy about lying in bed next to a corpse. Of course, there isn't anything sexy about having a corpse chomped down on your man-bits either.
rasta_pasta 4
You're both creepy and weird, deal with it.
maddyjayneexox 4
it's just shows, that's all guys really want in the end...:/
TheCass_ 3
man, you sound like a girl.
zanguard 0
Unfortunately when people die their bowels tend to loosen... that might not be too sexy with someone on top of you.
jemmzz 0
that's funny :)
hunturkey 0
maybe he is trying to say that you would give better bj's if you were dead?
TheCass_ 3
OOOUUUUHHH.
palmasd 0
that's how it should be!!
kissyxoxo 0
I like your fiancé. He's got his head in the game.