Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the bed, when he started to tickle me. I tried to pull away but he pushed me back down. I ended up hitting my eye on the corner of the nightstand. His comment was "this is why you shouldn't struggle." FML
Today, my fiancé had a nightmare and sat bolt upright in bed, claimed he had a nightmare where we were married, then his head hit the pillow and he was asleep again. That was his nightmare. Us being married. FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
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Top comments
expertsmilee 26
Judont want to startle the guy apparently.
sloth115 18
Don't be surprised, no affection so he probably didn't expect that it was you
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Comments (66)
expertsmilee 26
Judont want to startle the guy apparently.
BlockOfRedStone 25
I honestly stopped taking Martial Arts when I was young because of this reason. You're taught merciless self-defense - reasoning that if your life is on the line then you should deal a quick lethal move subconsciously - and frankly that didn't sound very appealing to me.
deltoren 11
Not really because in some cases that can save your life
sloth115 18
Don't be surprised, no affection so he probably didn't expect that it was you
LokiDasWolf 9
those were my thoughts. if youre going to start showing affection begin while he's awake.
jake_braves 25
I was going to like your comment...then I saw 69 likes. Haha. But totally agree.
peeta0330 18
Savage asf
SixthSinEnvy 39
That happened to a friend of mine. After being away in the Navy for a year and a half his wife thought she'd be loving and give him a morning ******** the next day to wake him up/welcome him home. He forgot he was home. He blacked her eye.
thenetflox 4
I like how you worded this as though if she gave him more attention he wouldn't have suddenly tried to snap her neck in his sleep. It sounds more like he has control issues, people in martial arts train in self control and learn that fighting is last resort. I'd say sleep in another bed for now.
thenetflox 4
I'm not one to just say "dump them" but atleast make sure you're safe. OP should tell him how she wants to be more affectionate and if they're going to do that in bed then he needs to learn some self control first. It'd suck if he had a nightmare or something and hurt you by accident :(
williamcarter93 13
I assume he meant be affectionate while he was awake. Not grab him suddenly out of his sleep.
HRTreatman 17
Maybe you should show affection when he's awake... You know... So he doesn't accidentally kill you.
justi4541 3
HUTTAH!!!
weird_adult 27
At least you are still alive
Destiny8745 29
Tell him you would improve, but it's kind of a...pain in the neck. tee hee
Laphog 17
Next time just grab his junk, an attacker would never grab your junk as a way to subdue you
williamcarter93 13
you'd be surprised. If someone is fighting they'd do whatever they must to win, including shots to the genitals. How about just grab him while he is awake.
Gigglyrocks 15
some people sleepwalk, some sleeptalk, and apparently some sleeppunch.
Bekll 31
Like Buttercup from the Powerpuff Girls. :)
lunaangel 14
And now his complaints will probably be met with you rubbing your neck and pouting ?