Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
Today, while helping my dad look for his watch, I found his porn collection. FML
Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML
Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML
Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML
Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML
Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said, "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML
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Top comments
iAlissa 34
That's a huge Dumbledon't
pokemyeyes 23
"Polishing his wand" *gag* Graphic choice of words there op
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Comments (101)
Publikwerks 14
Erecto!
samlovesham1234 9
Hope you had some eye bleach available after seeing that.
Mrtigerblue 14
what your father does on his own time in his own home is up to him. you deserve it for trying to sneak downstairs when you weren't supposed to.
badluckbastard 14
Thats actually a pretty good ****
badluckbastard 14
Thats actually a pretty good ****.
fmlsams 27
Bet you'll never see Hogwarts the same way again...
anthony99 14
"Mmm I'd like to Slytherin to her Chamber of Secrets"
Verina 10
Why's that an issue? Wands don't clean themselves, you know. In fact sometimes you mom will help (hermoine outfit is advised but not necessary) it's perfectly necessary
addisonrose12 16
Not enough brain bleach in the world to erase that image...
Dominus101 20
What did I just read, that's Soo Messed up