Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML
Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it was my 17th birthday. My mom forgot and my best friend is out of town. The highlight of my day? The guy at McDonald's slipped an extra apple pie in my bag. FML
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Top comments
brackaman 18
As much as his own fuckstick is the reason you're here in the first place, I feel he could've handled this a little better.
enormouselephant 15
This FML is so sad, I'm sorry OP! Laser not forget to point out- HAPPY BIRTHDAY:)
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Comments (139)
Blahshabadada 10
Throw the pretzel at his fuckstick and then threaten to to burn his face off with the laser... feel the force o.o I joke._. HAPPY BIRTHDAY (^.^)/
Danyellstar 14
Happy Birthday! :)
sezzle17 11
Happy birthday man. Hope you had a good one, nobody deserves that shit. One more year! Keep strong! Xox
thatgirlincali 13
It's my 17th birthday also(: but that sucks. I'm sorry
shorty6823 28
And your birthday has what to do with the FML?
thatgirlincali 13
It doesn't have anything to do with FML. I just thought it was cool. Whoops.
lovelyohhmee 8
Happy Birthday OP. Sorry to hear about your moms passing. Keep your head up. Hopefully you get yourself out of there, One more year and then you don't have to put up with his bull anymore.
james9120 7
But laser pointers are awesome...
bReLiNg 18
I'm sorry OP I know the pain of bad fathers. Just think that you can get a good job if you work hard. Then come back in a nice car and be like "In your face!" At least, that's what I'm gonna do :)
Enslaved 38
I hope things get better for you and your dad and that he's not doing the same-- "One more year" countdown.
perdix 31
I know, right! In one more year, you can legally change your name. I don't know what Fuckstick means in your parents' previous country, but in English, it's a very naughty word. Have you thought about your new name? You can go normal with Mike or Pete, or be kinda unique with D'Brickashaw. Good luck with that and happy birthday, Fuckstick!
Enslaved 38
Just picturing the person's expression at the Publix's bakery when asked to write, "Happy Birthday Fuckstick" on the cake. ***I know someone that had "Hood Rat" on her last one. :P
perdix 31
#43, almost as precious as when I request D'Brickashaw.
rhysfucker 24
Laser point his corneas out.