Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML
Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it was my 17th birthday. My mom forgot and my best friend is out of town. The highlight of my day? The guy at McDonald's slipped an extra apple pie in my bag. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
brackaman 18
As much as his own fuckstick is the reason you're here in the first place, I feel he could've handled this a little better.
enormouselephant 15
This FML is so sad, I'm sorry OP! Laser not forget to point out- HAPPY BIRTHDAY:)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (139)
brackaman 18
As much as his own fuckstick is the reason you're here in the first place, I feel he could've handled this a little better.
enormouselephant 15
He probably should have controlled that fuckstick a little better if he wasn't going to be a good dad. What a dick.
Pandasawr 10
That sucks big time, your dad could've been nicer. What a jerk. If I were you and had the money I would just move out.
sanchogrim 18
If my dad treated me like that I would emotionally destroy him, tell him that when he is on his deathbed and has nobody else to call because he is such a dick that you will not be there for him.
bamagrl410 31
Yes, 79, because the solution to emotional distress and abandonment is to repeat it. Especially when people are dying.
selfishcoconut 7
Just to give him a reality check, but I'd hope that y seriously wouldn't betray someone when their dying....
lonewolf621 17
Just ignore what he said OP. Hes obviously not responsible enough to be a good father.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Yes, pretend you're a cat, then you'll be BEAMing with joy at your new laser pointer toy!
Tiger9099 11
Point it at his eyes.
enormouselephant 15
This FML is so sad, I'm sorry OP! Laser not forget to point out- HAPPY BIRTHDAY:)
death943 10
Maybe there might be a good twist on his birthday from his dad.
laurenlovesjb 20
I know. I feel so bad for OP, words can't describe.
young_weezy_fml 3
whatever
Kiki242 19
Are parents trying to destroy their kids nowadays?
kiki9_fml 10
I could never imagine treating my kid like this!
kaileylovesyew 4
Well apparently. But i wouldn't call this destroying kids. Destroying kids would be leaving a 3 year old home alone to take care of her 1 year old brother. Destroying kids is throwing them in a tub of boiling hot water. Destroying kids is turning off their heart monitor so they die because the beeping is annoying. Destroying kids is literally beating the life out of them or starving them to death. Not giving them an IPad or something for their birthday and calling them a not very insulting name is not destroying kids. Think about it.
PandaKitteh 20
Uhm, well I think you're thinking about literally DESTROYING them and their life. I think #5 meant emotionally.
alexgray 7
I think destroying them and killing them are a different thing
xeka 10
Mine is.
lalala1896 6
Happpy birthdayy!! Hopefully things start to improve :)
Stealthed 8
Aww man, pretzels AND a laser pointer?! Sounds like the best birthday ever!!
Smashhoof 15
Laser pointers are awesome!
ladyLALAA 29
You can choose your friends but not your family... Happy birthday, OP! Here's wishing you a happy birthday and a lot more to come! Hopefully your friends did something awesome for you! (:
Silly_Lilly6969 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He's still in mourning even though that doesn't excuse his behavior you just gotta give it time. And if you want payback shoot your laser pointer in his eye. Sorry you had a bad birthday.
caysters 12
Seems he wasnt around, so why would he be mourning someone he wasnt with? He's just a horrible excuse for a sperm donor.
rawr_ily96 24
He's obviously not mourning if he hadn't been with the mother the whole time, but I do agree on one thing: Shine the laser pointer in his eye!!! Then run like hell! If he doesn't like you he could become abusive.
sabbyheartswhat 23
Hey, maybe the mom was horrible to the dad but he still loved her. An Oreo has two sides... :3
MisterEx 28
That's indeed sad, OP. I know it's hard, but try not to hold grudges against him for that reason. He loves you, he just doesn't know how to show it like most people can.
OhDearBetrayal 25
Contrary to popular belief, being the biological parents of a human being does not equal love towards them. There is a difference between love and genetic material. This man could care about OP as much as he cares for any other random person, and this could just be showing his actual feelings towards OP.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
#11 and #10 > What part of "absent father" and "Happy B-day fuckstick" didn't you understand? Looks like his dad doesn't care much about him. It's quite sad OP, hope you have some aunts and uncles who are not as emotionally retarded as your "dad".