Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML
Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it was my 17th birthday. My mom forgot and my best friend is out of town. The highlight of my day? The guy at McDonald's slipped an extra apple pie in my bag. FML
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Top comments
brackaman 18
As much as his own fuckstick is the reason you're here in the first place, I feel he could've handled this a little better.
enormouselephant 15
This FML is so sad, I'm sorry OP! Laser not forget to point out- HAPPY BIRTHDAY:)
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Comments (139)
thelegendofsloth 3
He's got a fuckstick up his ass. Sorry, Op! Happy birthday!
iammeorami 25
I love pretzels and lazier pointers are awesome.plus you can kill him with radiation from the laser
lincolnick4 19
Hope i'm not too late, Happy Birthday OP, hope things get much better for you in the many years to come :)
mccrazymcdaisy 4
Happy Birthday!
iphonemaster 4
Go get a dog, aim your laser pointer at your dad's nuts and see what the dog does. He won't be calling you a fuckstick after that
forlifebro 15
Damn OP I feel for you but hell one more year just hand in there then you can leave your "father" and have a great life
forlifebro 15
Oops "hang" in there
mn_shr 22
Oh well.. Don't let that ruin your birthday. Happy Birthday!
Xotoolyxo 16
I'm sorry OP, must be hard without your mom there. Make the most of your day with your friends and other family
truepanda 2
Find something that motivates u and makes u happy. Be successfull at what u do. Earn enough money to be independent. the bastard will rot in his nest dont worry.
fsomelife 26
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OP!!!!!!! You can get through it, just keep in mind that with every day, you get closer to becoming legally independent :) This isn't the right website to say "leave us a note so we know where you are this time next year", but the very best of luck to you ;)