Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML
Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it was my 17th birthday. My mom forgot and my best friend is out of town. The highlight of my day? The guy at McDonald's slipped an extra apple pie in my bag. FML
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Top comments
brackaman 18
As much as his own fuckstick is the reason you're here in the first place, I feel he could've handled this a little better.
enormouselephant 15
This FML is so sad, I'm sorry OP! Laser not forget to point out- HAPPY BIRTHDAY:)
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Comments (139)
Ibeatmyself 3
If I was him I'd kick you out for been ungrateful because I'm sure u live in his house
anishays 11
I don't know how anyone can say you deserve that. And Happy Birthday.
CrookedCook 14
Most fmls are funny to read, but I seriously feel pain for the OP. I hope the best for he/she.
deelishy1409 4
I'm sorry...sounds like my "father".
IsRaeliPrinCess 8
Your dad is an ass fxxker. If you have friends I suggest you stay with one of them, or just toughen it out for one more year.
s7evin 12
This is what happens when we don't have robot boxing!!
joeytwix 4
Well OP I just had my first birthday after my mom died so it gets better
CanOWhoopAss 1
use the later pointer and point it at his eyes
cieloalicia 16
Kill him in his sleep.
alvinawesome 7
Sorry dude.....