Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML
Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML
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Top comments
ohhjenn 0
you deserve it for being a cheater!
kcnutt10 1
**** YOUR life? No. YDI. You ******* douche! This may come as a shock to you, but women have feelings too. If you love or want to be with someone else, then just break-up with your girlfriend. It's that simple. Yea, it may cause her pain from the break-up, but not near as much pain if she realized you cheated on her. It's douche bags like you that make it hard for the few good men out there who actually respect women. Eat shit! I hope she dumped your sorry, pathetic ass.
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Comments (268)
rlatpffl86 0
She should have broken your nose and watched your pain gradually return.. growing greater with time,
chantellesmith 0
umm more like f her life ? don't be so self freaking centered ! ydi..
xgetxbentx 13
ydi for cheating? ******* dumbass!
ChronicSnowflake 0
you deserve that shit... I would've pushed your skeezin ass out of the damn car... that's bullshit... it's guys like you that make women never trust anyone even when a good man comes along... I hope your face hurts... YDI DOUCHE
smeyer8943 0
not sure how much you know about "laughing gas" formally known as Nitrous Oxide, but it does not have lasting effects in the system. It is fully out of your system within 30 seconds of being turned off, so blaming the laughing gas on this one makes you look just a bit foolish.
silkky 0
was that your lame attempt at a joke. oh wait I think it I feel a laugh coming on... wait for it... wait for it.. nope, just indigestion sorry.. you fail.. and even if I did watch icarly, which comes on nickelodeon btw, I wouldn't have to make up a lame excuse to watch it.. I have four children since you asked.. thanks for being so interested..
silkky 0
that comment was for 279 :)
79DrAwkwArD97 0
I find it funny that you come on here expecting people to vote "FML" for you...
TheLastZombie 3
You're own damn fault for cheating on her, dumbass.
muaythaifighter 2
**** you now you can go finger your asshole.
xoxomaddie123 0
ur a ****** ass! do u fuckim think ur not gonna get bitchy if she was cheating on u? **** off