Nearly FMLs

Today, I read on FML that a gay guy was on a date with a woman because he was tipsy and thought it was a dude, and I thought to myself, "Even gay men can get dates with women." FML

Today, I’m making a list of family and friends to send Christmas cards to. I’m married and we have a 2 year old daughter. I’m afraid everyone is going to be expecting a pregnancy announcement in the card as well. We’re trying, it’s just not happening yet. FML

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

Today, the dog I’m walking is quite large and can’t jump, so he has to sit in the front of the car. He kept panting at me the entire way home, and his breath was so bad I wanted to puke. FML

Today, just after updating my status on my socials, my (now ex) girlfriend’s *other* boyfriend texted me saying that they were dating. He had no idea either. FML

Today, after a couple years of meeting people on dating sites and still being good friends with a number of them, I've discovered it would save me more money to get the lifetime packages than any option of the recurring subscriptions. FML

Today, I realized that I want to get to know RichardPencil in person because he has incredible black humor and obviously a lot of time. FML

Today, I found out that the Amazon Gift Card my nephew gave to me last week was completely depleted. My 16-year-old son spent all of the funds in Fortnite. I was actually going to buy a book with those funds. CS won't refund my balance, either. FML

Today, I tried to submit an FML to complain about my dysfunctional family, but no matter what I did, I could not describe the gravity of the situation in 320 characters. Now I have no way to vent about how horrible they are to me and must suffer in silence. FML

Today, after years of reading FML, I finally had a story to share. I excitedly moderated through the other FMLs, only to see mine and realize it's garbage. I voted "no" on my own FML and hope it doesn't get published. FML

Today, I realised I have used this website to scroll myself to sleep pretty much every night for half my life. I’m a 31 year-old mum of two. FML

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

Today, I have to do a science presentation in approximately 10 minutes. I didn’t do the assignment or make a PowerPoint cause I stayed up all night trying to do my French homework. FML

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

Today, I found out that not only do all my friends know about my crush, he might know too. FML

Today, my puppy died. She was barely 2 months-old. I can't help but feel guilty. FML

Today, I've been having the worst depressive episode in my entire life. Since the past few months, I've had a very strong hunch that my parents genuinely don't love me, because they seem to always ignore me when I try to tell them how I'm feeling, and they're totally ignorant to my mental and social disorders. FML

Today, I was bitten by a possum at work. FML

Today, I had another fight with my partner. He gets so angry when he has to do any cleaning, even if it's cleaning up after himself. FML

Today, I still have the same feelings towards my ex as I did the day we split. FML

Today, I got told my libido is considered exhausting by my wife, the woman I lost my v-card to. I can understand where she's coming from and this wouldnt be a problem but the woman can literally inflare my sexually desires with a smile. FML