Nearly FMLs

Today, after a tough year, I arrived at a NYE party in a new dress, beautiful heels and with my fit date on my right arm. As the clock struck 12, I was sobbing in the driveway. My dress was covered in someone else's red wine, one of my shoes had sunk into the garden pond, and my date was snogging another bloke. FML

Today, I spent 3 or so hours on this site reading all the sex-related FMLs. Started out reading them for fun, but soon realized that no matter how awkward or cringe an experience, or how long a dry spell lasted, they were all still better than my 35 virgin years of no relationships, no fooling around, no nothing. FML

Today, two days into 2023, I really realize I didn’t want to see this year. FML

Today, I tried to get my FML account validated so I can comment on posts, but after the validation email link I receive is clicked on, it never activates my account. I've tried many times and it just doesn't seem to work. Arrrggggghhh! FML

Today, after a long time, I got the chance to talk to a girl, but after a while i just ruined it and now I don't want to talk to her. Why am I so introverted? FML

Today, I found out FML won't post my original FML because they disagree with me politically. FML

Today, I got constipated after eating Taco Bell. FML

Today, for the millionth time, someone asked me if something was wrong and I said, "Nothing." All I have to do is say something other than "Nothing" and I can begin healing. Why is it so hard? Why is everything so hard? Why is existing so hard? FML

Today, oh my god I swear I feel like I am the most dumbest person from people not understanding me. I think sometimes I feel smart and everyone else is dumb. FML

Today, there's a blizzard coming up soon and it's hella cold in my house. I could use a sweatshirt right about now. Where is my sweatshirt? Good question. I don't know. FML

Today, I have a sore throat. I read a funny entry on this website and I laughed a lot. Now my throat REALLY hurts. FML

Today, I've officially reached the phase in my life where I always wake up having to pee. Gone are the days when I stuffed my face in the pillow until I decided on my own terms when I "rise and shine". I don't want to get old. FML

Today, a relative once again completely talked over my lunchtime show, dragging up twenty years of bad family history because the theme reminded her of the black sheep of the family. But the moment her show comes on, everyone has to be quiet. FML

Today, my life has gotten so bad to the point that writing about my misfortunes on this website is actually one of my hobbies. My aversion to conflict and talking about myself reinforces this. I know it's unhealthy, but I don't know what I can do to break free. FML

Today, my birthday is approaching, and I'm once again brooding over the fact that I was a preemie. Had I not been born more than a month early, I would have a birthday in late January, one that doesn't get overshadowed by Christmas. Instead, I got placed right in the middle of December. FML

Today, I struck out with two potential girlfriends, and then found out Jason David Frank died. I grew up with Power Rangers. Both types of heartbreak on one day. FML

Today, I ate an apple. It was good. It was red. inside was not red. red is cool. cool things are red. I like pizza. pizza is good. pizza has the letter Z in it. Z is a cool letter. I like Z. I wonder why zzz means sleeping. Sleeping has an S and not a Z. I like winning. Winning is good. Losing is bad. Bad is not good. FML

Today, I've reached the point in my life that most of my entertainment is derived from reading funny comments to humorous stories on this website, and reading scathing comments on stories where OP is obviously in the wrong. FML

Today, as time passes, I've started to feel numb to all the pain. At one point, I started not believing in hope. I envy people who believe in hope. I wish I was like them. At least they have something to hope about. FML

Today, I realized that I spend too much time on here. I work on boats and this app is the only thing that loads most of the time. My only form of entertainment. I want to go home. FML

Today, Greg Abbott was re-elected as Texas Governor. Fuck our rights as women, people’s rights and gun safety huh? Every single person who voted for him is an asshole. FML

Today, my racist father refused to invite me and my (black) husband for Thanksgiving dinner. FML

Today, I’m close to my 44th birthday. I married the girl of my dreams who loves clutter. Our son makes straight As but can’t listen to any instructions. Our two new dogs chew anything they can find, and no one puts anything away. Why was I born? FML

Today, if I had a dollar for every FML where the OP literally admits to committing a crime, I would have at least five dollars. Which isn't much, but it's definitely enough to make me ashamed of being a human. FML

Today, I can't think of a reason to live. Well, except for my dog. I love him so much, but I still looked up his average life span. 5-8 more years. FML

Today, it's one of them days. I was looking for another job that actually pays their employees for their hard-work, and got mad real fast. I normally keep it bottled in but y'all done messed up and let me find this website. I literally googled "a website that you can complain and whine on". So here I am! Get ready. FML

Today, I realized I couldn't generate enough fake drama to get people to feel sorry for me. FML

Today, my daughter got so high she genuinely thought she was a Nintendo Switch. FML

Today, my mother told me that I'm descended from limbless space slugs. What? FML

Today, my mother is yelling at my younger sister for masturbating and my sister's defense was that I do it as well. So now we are both grounded. FML