Today, while cashiering at Walmart, a creepy guy came in buying jumper cables, a car battery, WD-40, a Fisher-Price play guitar, laxatives, and one of each flavor of yogurt. Curious about the interesting combination of items, I asked what he was up to. He simply said “Necromancy” and then left. FML
Today, while my daughter was doing an English worksheet in which she had to correct the grammatical and spelling errors in a passage, she changed every plural instance of the word “deer” to “deers.” What is wrong with her? FML
Today, my wife finally gave birth to our first child after three unsuccessful years of trying to become parents ourselves. My parents, who both died of Covid-19, will never meet their grandson as they wished. FML
Today, I woke up after barely sleeping cuz my nose was stuffy, did a lot of homework, and felt drained afterward, so I decided to take a nap. Woke up to a call from the health department and apparently, my negative test is now positive. This was in part to my father who refused to quarantine. FML
Today, it's my birthday. We had to put the family dog down. Love you, Halle. FML
Today my friend has given up eating pretty much anything but salad because he doesn’t have health insurance and wants to save on medical bills. If I were you, buddy, I might have given up smoking instead, but hey, that’s just me. FML
Today I recently dumped a girl, for a stupid reason, who would happily swallow my rod all the way down to my balls, whereas my new girlfriend, despite being a lovely girl, sucks just the head, complains about it, and never for longer than 30 seconds. I know I’m petty but FML
Today, I got my second Moderna Vaccine. Super happy I got it, but I feel like death.. FML
Today, I turned 26 during a global pandemic. So here I am insurance less since I was laid off in January due to downsizing. FML
Today, I'm about to go to sleep in my car because my sister and her boyfriend had sex in the living room. They both came home shitfaced while I was at the PS4, I was kicked out when they started to make out and my sister crashed into my car for trying to park hers. I can actually hear their moaning. FML
Today, I saw my crush active on Instagram. He happens to be part of a charity club at school so I decided to go live and give a homeless person money to impress him. The homeless guy told me “If you’re doing this shit for likes, keep your money.” At least 20 people saw. Including my crush. FML
Today, I ruined a 5 year no self harm run after me and my mother got into an argument. I’m 24 and still hate her for calling me disgusting and disgraceful after she saw my scars when I was 16. She doesn’t know how much that affected me. FML
Today a judge in my country decided that it’s okay to force people to get a COVID-test, even if they’re not sick. Meanwhile, another judge decided that it’s very much illegal for anyone to force HIM to get a COVID-test, because they are dangerous and he could get hurt. FML
Today I got stabbed in the underbelly for laughing at something innocent. Who stabbed me? My period. FML
Today my friends boyfriend told me that my ex said I look like I gained 200lbs and I look terrible. Fml.
Today is exactly 6 years since my last intercours , im 25 years old .... FML
Today, I learned that just because your coworker tells you he’s had a vasectomy doesn’t mean that it’s okay to not wear a condom. I can’t lie to my husband and say the child I’m carrying is his because we haven’t been intimate in months. FML
Today, My boyfriend of 3 years constantly makes insensitive jokes and keeps mentioning he doesn't want kids. All I've ever wanted was a family from a kind sensitive partner.. FML
Today I went through my daughter’s phone and found messages from her best friend’s older brother. He was telling her how sexy she is and how he wants to take her on a date amongst other things. Although she declined he still persisted. My daughter is 13. This freak is 22. Fml
Today, I realized part of the root of my gender dysphoria is male privilege and me craving any power and to quit being talked over and quit being invisible. I'm in the military and still have a long time to go. Worst part is my dysphoria hasn't budged. I am old and stuck in it now for the long haul. FML
Today my boyfriend told me he just changed his bed sheets for the first time this year. It’s April. FML
Today my mom wanted to lay an internet cable down to her trailer in the garden. Apparently she had a step-by-step plan: Step 1: Unplug the router from the network. Step 2: Open the terrace door. Step 3: Disappear. FML
Today, I was listening to a quick recording from a girl in our group chat. I was jerking it to her voice, because she’s hot, but, the entire time I was doing it.. my phone was recording the sounds. It sent to the group & I can’t erase it. It’s a lot of gruntled yeah bitch, with spit and dick. FML
Today, I visited this site for the first time in a decade. I read through so many of the comments to posts that were getting voted "You Deserve It," and seeing how many people felt the same way as the person who deserved it made me realize: all these people get to vote, and they're all terrible people. FML
Today, as always, I can’t even leave my room to go to the bathroom or get water without my mom forcing me to clean the entire house. It’s already sparkling clean. FML
Today, my sister is in the hospital because a drunk driver crashed into her car. She was going to get married in two days. FML
Today, my ex moved another woman in his apartment. He broke up with me 2 days ago and kicked me and our son out with all our stuff saying he’s “had it with my shit” all because I didn’t put butter on his pancakes. FML
Today, my dad is camping out in front of the downstairs bathroom while my stepmom is near the upstairs bathroom. Neither will move, and I have a shy bladder, so to pee I had to run the faucet while doing so. My stepmom came downstairs and screamed at me for doing so. FML
Today, I took an allergy pill and discovered that I am also allergic to certain brands. FML
Today, after the pandemic and gaining weight and letting my hair grow out that my phone doesn't even recognize me.....FML
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