Nearly FMLs

Today, at Muay Thai lessons, someone kicked me in my ribs and broke them. FML

Today, at age 26, and after being abandoned at nearly 1-year-old, my biological father came to my place asking me to give him money, because "I'm your father". Afterwards, I sacked him after calling him a sperm donor and an irresponsible pussy. FML

Today, my daughter got her period on her sheets and has slept on bloody sheets for 3 days. When I asked her why, she said it was because I told her she wasn’t allowed to do her laundry before Friday of each week. FML

Today, I went to the dentist to get fitted for crowns on my 4 front teeth. Today, I noticed that there is now a chip on an unrelated tooth. FML

Today, my grandfather got covid a week before he was going to be vaccinated. FML

Today, I found out I may have cancer. My husband couldn’t care less because he has a son with his girlfriend now. FML

Today, I was at work with my coworker and he asked me if I had, "Fucked any bitches, yet?" When I said I hadn't, he then went into graphic detail about his last bj. The problem? We work in food service, we were at the front of the store, there were two customers, we're both minors and I'm gay. FML.

Today my weekend getaway with my boyfriend just ended. For some reason Mother Nature decided to show up so we didn’t do the nasty but binge watch Netflix and Eat for 3 days. Right when I got home Mother Nature decided to leave early... FML

Today I have to vacuum. There are animal hairs, dirt and sand all over the place. Why does that make me outraged and disgusted? Because “the place” is the inside of the washing machine. FML

Today, I slept with my cousin's son near me in a room and his parents were sleeping to the next room. I was chatting with my friends and suddenly realized that he had an orgasm while he was sleeping and he moaned so loud that his parents could hear it and may think that we were having sex with each other. FML

Today I told my husband about having to tell an eating disorder specialist about past rape, abuse and beatings. He got angry my gifted rosary beads got stuck in his glove compartment.. FML

Today, I made a Facebook post regarding a weird dream I had about an upcoming Comic Con event. Hours later I got a vaguely threatening if confusing message from someone I considered a friend. I'd only said that other friend had defended me from cruel cosplay gatekeepers. FML

Today, I was slapped hard by a complete stranger for not saying “Thank you” when she held the door open for me. I have laryngitis and can’t say a word. FML

Today, my husband is filing for divorce because he began dating a woman from work. I asked him what she has that I don’t. He told me she’s “petite” and wants to try the sex swing he bought with her because unfortunately “my fatass” couldn’t stay on. He was completely serious. FML

Today I celebrated Easter without my kids because my ex is using the system as a weapon. FML

Today I almost drowned in a swimming plool and it was the same place where I almost died when i was a kid.FML

Today, after arranging and decorating my room exactly the way I wanted it, my dad came in and demanded that I change it because it “looks bad.” FML

Today, my dad has a habit of cooking my favorite foods during my workout and then not saving any for me. He also refuses to give me the recipes for any of them. FML

Today, I was on YouTube listening to some pretty inappropriate stuff and doing my thing, until after clicking on a second video, just to realize that my dad had just turned on the TV in my living room and my phone had automatically connected and screen casted a few seconds of the video. FML

Today I found out my boyfriend has been flirting with other girls...He's the first guy I have trusted in 5 years. Not only has been flirting he faked sick to stay home from work and go meet with some girl. I love him so much and I want to fix it but I don't know how. FML.

Today, while having dinner at my girlfriend’s house I had to listen to her mother yell at her for an hour straight, saying things like “I hope you die in a fire!” and “You are a waste of oxygen!” Why? Because she put her elbows on the table. I don’t think I can keep dating her. FML

Today, I finally realised why I always look terrible in photographs. It’s my face. FML

Today, This week is being very sad because I haven't seen my girlfriend and she is far away...FML

Today my friend refused to buy cat food for the old tomcat I adopted. Because the only food the cat will eat is non-vegan. My friend will rather let an animal starve than “support industrial livestock farming”. FML

Today I realized I have a shit boyfriend. When I told him I would start putting in the SAME amount of effort as he had, he said I was “being bitchy” and that this was “the beginning of the end.” FML

Today, like everyday I wake up next to the two most beautiful girls in the world, and my first thought is still about suicide.

Today I had a submission of a portfolio, then my network connection was unstable during upload, resulting in a delay of 5 seconds making it unable to submit my work... FML

Today I went outside to go on a walk with my dog, but when I turned around to go back, my dog had ran to a neighbor's house, and wouldn't come back to me until after 6 hrs. FML

Today, I am so hot you could fry an egg on my chest. I have the window open, the fan on full blast, all my clothes are off, and I have multiple ice bags all over my face and body. No one else in the house is complaining about it being hot. FML

Today I decided to step out and enjoy the sunshine. I'm walking strutting and feeling myself and what not enjoying my walk with my dog then head home. I walk to the bathroom and to my surprise and utter dismay I come face to face with my reflection and just like that I remember how ugly I really am...FML