Nearly FMLs

Today, I planted some herbs in my indoor garden. 11th time's a charm. FML

Today, I woke up to the news that Russia has invaded Ukraine and started dropping bombs. Here comes World War Three. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I was living at his house and he kicked me out with no where to go. I found a resort to stay in but who knows how long I’ll be here. He won’t talk to me at all. FML

Today, I just spent the last two weeks staying up late and getting up early to cheer the women's US hockey team, just to watch them lose the gold to a team that has a turkey's butt for a logo. FML

Today, I learned that the only thing worse than having Covid is having Covid with horrible period cramps. FML

Today, my dad said he wants me to get married when I'm 19. There is no way I'm getting married, and I'm so close to running away. FML

Today, I'm spending my birthday alone at home because of the Omicron outbreak. FML

Today, the girl I grew up with all the way to college, the one I hated, the one who always beat me up, the one I used to insult daily, the one I only spent time with because we had a friend in common, I asked her to marry me and she said yes. Guess love really is similar to hate. FML

Today, I tested positive for covid. I have my finals in a week. FML

Today, like every other day, I was disappointed to wake up. I have nothing to look forward to in this life. No friends no social network. Just loneliness. FML

Today, I once again broke wind as I bent over to lift the toilet seat up. As I turn around and sit down, I nearly kill myself with my own toxic clouds. I don't know what I ate that caused this. FML

Today, I realised all of the jewellery by boyfriend has bought me for birthdays, Christmases and anniversaries all had gems cut and set in the shape of vaginas. FML

Today, I realized I've been on the FML site so long the "random" entries are starting to repeat. I need a hobby or get laid. FML

Today, I accidentally used the toothbrush I use to clean my bathroom sink with for my teeth. FML

Today, I have finally admitted to myself that I like country music. #honkytonkwoman. FML

Today, I found out that just because you turn off the iPhone you stole doesn’t mean the owner won’t track it down. Apparently with the new iOS feature Find My iPhone is enabled even with the phone switched off. FML

Today, I'm in love with a girl I can't get, I have social anxiety, and I only have a month until I never see her again. FML

Today, I’ve tested positive for Covid-19. Again. For the third time. FML

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

Today, I wanted to impress this cute guy at work by making fun of the awkward new girl at the office. My coworkers seemed to be laughing at my jokes about her and I thought things went rather well. Turns out, someone snitched on me to HR. I'm now suspended without pay. Oh, and the cute guy totally dislikes me now. FML

Today, I realised my stupidity when I couldn’t light the dead lighter that I'd put on my charging mat because it was out of gas. FML

Today, my trainer farted twice during the same uptraining sessions at my job. FML

Today, I was terribly proud to have fixed my PC motherboard by replacing some capacitors. It works just great, except that I lost one RAM card while waiting for parts. Welcome back fast PC, now slow due to only 2GB RAM. FML

Today, after more than 10 years it's clear I need to say goodbye to my lady. She no longer wants any physical intimacy, and that's just a deal-breaker for me I'd rather be alone by myself, than lonely living with someone. It's just wrong I'm bracing myself for her breakdown. I hate to do it, but it's a dead end now. FML

Today, I was just getting over a very brutal case of Covid. Now I have the heaviest, messiest period I’ve had in years. FML

Today, I tried to start a free trial on Skillshare (because I was bored af) but my mom wouldn't give me her card cause she thinks they are going to steal her precious money even though I'm only using it for a free trial. I argued with her for half and hour but she wouldn't budge. FML

Today, I fell over and further tore an already torn muscle in my back. The back pain was just starting to lessen too. FML

Today, I couldn’t remember if I put detergent in the washing machine, so I put in another scoop just in case. Now there’s suds coming out of the toilet. FML