Today, it was my 23rd birthday. I didn't make it to my party because I was rear-ended on the way there by a 16-year-old in a red mustang going 50+ mph. My birthday cake landed in my lap and I was yelled at by his mother for getting chocolate icing on their insurance card. FML
Today, when getting off the bus, the driver said he thought I was going to exit from the front. Without thinking, I responded, "Oh no, I'm more of a backdoor kinda girl!" FML
Today, I was wrapping up my move in a 16-foot truck with my car in tow. Google rerouted me to avoid traffic... through a state park. The road had only one lane. I can still hear the phalanx of cars honking at me. FML
Today, the university bike permit that I'd ordered half a year ago finally arrived. Unfortunately, my bike was stolen months ago. FML
Today, like every other day, I didn't stop at the stop sign right before my house because it's pointless and there's never any cops patrolling my neighborhood. Boy, was I wrong this time. FML
Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML
Today, I discovered that, because my boyfriend has locked himself out of his car so many times, he now keeps a coat hanger to break in. He keeps it IN the car. FML
Today, my car was totaled. It was so new, I haven't even made the first payment on it yet. FML
Today, it was my first driving lesson. I was so bad, the police stopped me and accused me of being drunk, because I almost crashed into the pole in front of them. FML
Today, I was walking down the train station steps, in no rush, as my train wasn't due to depart for another 10 minutes. I managed to trip down the last 5 steps and break my ankle. Oh, and I got to watch my train drive away. FML
Annalivliv tells us more.
So I tried to follow this up before but my comment wasn't posted properly. OP here. Turns out I broke my ankle in 3 different places and tore some ligaments. However, I figure it could be much worse. I'm just happy I could finally get something published. The banter in the comments isn't bad either.
Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me weird because I keep gloves in the glove box in my car. He's never seen that before. FML
Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML
Today, I'm stuck at the airport overnight, because my phone didn't update its time zone after flying in, so I watched my train leave, thinking mine wasn't due for another hour. FML
Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML
Today, I had to rush to the airport to catch a flight to California for my sister's wedding. On my way out, my roommate gave me his neck pillow for comfort. Turns out the pillow was filled with weed, and I was arrested while going through security. I missed my sister's wedding. FML
Eashy tells us more.
Haha this actually got posted! Hey guys I'm the OP and just want to fill in some extra information. So I woke up 20 minutes later then I wanted to, so I just rushed to get ready and get my carry-on items together, as my luggage was packed. I had no idea my roommate used or had drugs in our shared apartment, so I graciacly accepted the pillow for my flight. After going through Security, I was stopped and arrested for drug possession, but ended up getting out later from a drug bust in my apartment, where they caught my room mate growing weed in his small closet. Again, I've never smelled or seen him smoking, so I had no idea he was a user. He also confessed that he was the one who put the drugs in my neck pillow, and they did believe him, arresting him aswell. No, I did not get any major marks on my record, but I'm still going to court for a follow up for the police to be sure im completely innocent. As for the moment, I've been asked to stay at home so that the cops can easily find me if needed, so I guess I'll have to survive of anything in my house for about a week. Again, thanks for publishing this. Ill be happy to awnser any questions you guys have :)
Today, while on the bus, the girl in front of me asked me if I could find the orange she'd dropped. I couldn't see it, but when I told her that there was no orange there, she gave me the strangest look. She'd said ring, not orange. FML
Today, I'm so pale that I managed to get a sunburn while sitting in a bus. FML
Today, the cute coworker who's been flirting with me drove me home. While I was contemplating asking him to kiss me, he politely told me to, "Please get out, I promised my girlfriend I'd pick her up." FML
Today, I was on a bus traveling from Denver to San Francisco with my boyfriend. We hoping to see some amazing sights and escape from stress. However, the bus breaking down in the middle of the desert and being forced to stay in a ratty motel was neither an amazing sight, nor stress relieving. FML
Today, unbeknownst to me, my wife cancelled our airplane tickets because she didn't want to face her fear of flying like we had agreed. Now, we're going to have to take another week off so I can drive 3000 miles cross country, while she sleeps in the shotgun seat because her licence expired. FML
Today, Geico called to tell me they were canceling my insurance. Someone I don't know got pulled over for drunk-driving and the police wrote down my license plate number instead by accident. Although the DMV says they cleared everything up, Geico still won't believe it wasn't me. FML
Today, after being without my car keys for two days, I finally got a locksmith to unlock my car on the off chance I'd left my keys in there. $170 later, the car was open, but I didn't find my keys. Frustrated, I threw the paperwork in the garbage... where I spotted my keys. FML
Today, my period started two weeks early. I had the option of either making my connecting flight and bleeding through the entire two-hour trip, or buying tampons and missing it. Four hours until the next flight. FML
Kuromaus tells us more.
Hey, OP here. A few things I couldn't put due to word limits: the flight I was getting off was coming in late due to weather. I literally had one minute to get to the gate once off the plane. The connecting flight had started loading at the same time we landed. On top of that, the crew to dock us were having issues and delayed us in getting off. I wouldn't have even had time to stop at a bathroom on the way. The gate I needed to get to was upstairs. Since it was a delay out of my control, I did get moved to another flight for free, it just happened to be the latest one heading back to home. I could have probably made it to (or barely missed) last call if I hauled it but I was not going to do that while bleeding. I didn't know that airplanes had amenities like that in the bathroom. I've never actually been in one, and it was only my second time flying. (That toilet paper trick doesn't work for me, mine is too heavy, sadly.)
Today, I found out I will be without a car for two weeks because my mother volunteered to let my grandparents use mine while theirs is being repaired. They've been in 4 accidents over the last year. FML
Today, my car broke down in traffic. It's okay though, everyone honked in support while I moved my vehicle from the busy intersection. Only the third time this month. FML
Today, we paid to park in a lot in the city. Hours later, we returned to find our car booted. Apparently the guy that took our money didn't work there. We're stuck three states away from home. FML
Today, as I was pulling out of my apartment complex, I was rear-ended. When I got out of my car to see how bad the damage was, I wondered why the other guy wasn't getting out of his. As it turns out, he was busy pleasing himself. I found out when I approached his car. FML
Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
