Today, while at the airport with a cast on my leg, I fell backwards onto my suitcase. My family was too busy to notice my squirming as I tried to get up, so a kind woman awkwardly helped me off the ground. Later on, I found out my dad saw me but thought someone would help me "soon enough." FML
Today, a man sat next to me on a train carriage, despite various empty seats. During a weird conversation, I told him that I'm on my way back from London after seeing a friend from Germany there. He goes on to talk about Nazis and, with one arm in the air, asks me if he's doing the salute right. FML
Today, five minutes into a first date with a woman I really wanted to impress, we got on to a very busy train. I was so concerned with making sure that my backpack didn't get caught in the closing doors that I forgot to worry about my head. FML
dannidoll93 tells us more.
Hi everyone-OP here. In answer to some of the questions: - My backpack is silver and pretty small. I use it instead of a handbag because I'm prone to losing bags that aren't strapped to me through putting them down and leaving them places. - The date was pretty standard- drinks and a meal at a cool bar. Nothing crazy in the backpack! - The doors are curved on the tubes here. In addition, we were literally packed in so close that I could have had full intercourse with like 5 strangers where I was standing. I thought I was clear of the door but apparently not. I laughed it off and she was very sympathetic. My head feels okay now but I did have a bit of a headache for a while! - Other than that, we had a fun date but we didn't really click and we've agreed to just be friends. Thanks for all the comments!
Today, during a layover between two flights, I managed to catch a shower. Too bad it was ginger ale and not water. FML
theamazingd tells us more.
Hi there! OP here. I bought the ginger ale before my first flight, and opened it in the second airport. I didn't realize that the turbulence we experienced would be enough to shake it that much. When I opened it to drink, it sprayed everywhere. My shorts were soaked, and my arms were covered. I went into the bathroom and cleaned up as best I could, but my shorts were still damp when I got on my second flight. Basically, I had a moment of absentmindedness that totally sucked. I won't be doing that again...
Today, I got a rental car because my car needed new tires and I had a long drive ahead of me. Today, the rental car got a flat tire. FML
Today, a motorist yelled at me for texting and driving. I was too ashamed to admit that I'd been admiring the bogey I'd just picked from my nose. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, my family got detained by airport security thanks to one of their dogs. It didn't even bark to indicate there was something wrong, though. It just kept sniffing my dad, probably because we had our dog with us in the car on the way there. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking back to my car after a long day of work. A large SUV had parked next to mine, so I jokingly said to my girlfriend, "What do you think they're compensating for?" That's when the couple behind us unlocked their vehicle. FML
Today, I offered my friend $150 to drop my girl and me off for at the airport. He's poor, so I try to help him out by paying for rides. My girl being with me, I asked him not to smoke weed while driving. He turned down the job because he needs a minimum of two blunts for the trip. FML
Today, my friend bought a new car. He left his old car at the dealership and asked me if I could go back with him, and then I'd follow him back to his house in his old car. That was fine, except he forgot to mention the car had no brakes. I hit his car. FML
bumpercarmcgee tells us more.
Update: the breaks weren't really a big deal at first because I didn't have to use them all that much until I got to the freeway, and on the freeway you can just kinda let up off the gas to slow down, especially at higher speeds/less traffic. I just remember noting that the breaks felt a little weird, but I was mostly just focusing on trying to stay behind my friend and not get lost. I attributed that weirdness to how certain cars probably feel and drive differently. I just remember at some point after noting the "weird" breaks I had the morbid thought, "heh, you know what'd be terrible is if the breaks went out." But yeah, breaks became a huge deal the moment I got off the freeway. Turns out they actually worked like 25% of the time and you just had to "double-pump it, dude!" Tbh it's a god damn miracle I made it as far as I did and I narrowly avoided several collisions with other vehicles just trying to get his car to his house. Funny enough, I rear-ended his car literally a block away from his house. I do think the situation is morbidly funny in a way, but it was mostly ******* terrifying. Driving without breaks has this terrifying effect of making you feel like you yourself have nerve damage or something. Like my brain is like I'm doing it! But the electrochemical signals relaying that message to your muscles just kinda got ****** up somewhere along the way.
Today, I tried to fix my wife's brakes and change her oil before I worked on my truck. Seven hours later both vehicles are unusable. FML
wrock84 tells us more.
Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride on bicycles. After a while, I couldn't see him ahead of me any more. I went back and forth for half an hour but could't find him, and started to think something happened. I went home to call him but saw his bike. Turns out my boyfriend is just an asshole. FML
Today, I discovered a purple BMX bike abandoned in my front yard. I wondered why it was there, until I looked over to discover that my own bike had been stolen. I guess they liked mine better. FML
Today, like everyday, I got on the train heading back from my university campus in Preston. Usually, it takes 20 minutes. When I sat down, I realised it was a non-stop service to Glasgow and the doors had closed. It took me 7 hours by train and a lift from my best friend at 2 a.m. to get home. FML
Today, I found out my mother drives my car. I was okay with it; I don't use it all the time and she's my mother. However, I was not okay with the multiple speeding tickets that came through in the post. "You're the registered keeper, so why should I pay?" FML
Today, I found out the real reason my dad bought a new car and generously gave me his old one. He knew the engine was about to fail and didn't want it to be his problem when it finally did. It blew out while I was driving at high speed on the motorway. Just my luck. FML
Today, the coach bus I was riding almost crashed. I was using the restroom at the time. The bus braked so hard, I peed all over the wall and splashed my shirt. Nobody wanted to sit anywhere near me after that. FML
Today, I took a two-hour bus ride to get to orientation, got stuck a block away because the pedestrian sidewalk was closed, waited half-an-hour for my ride in the rain, when someone called the cops on me for acting suspicious. I got to the interview soaking wet, and they told me they'd rescheduled. FML
Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML
Today, a man came by with a large drink and sat next to me in the bus terminal. In all his wisdom, he tried setting it between the seats. Naturally, it spilled all over me. I now have to sit with a soaked pair of pants and a wet carry on from Nashville to Atlanta. The bus trip is 5 hours long. FML
Today, I parked my car in the company lot and walked down the street to a mandatory company training. While I was at the training, everyone back at the office decided to leave early and locked the company lot. My car is now stuck there for the night and I'm walking home. FML
Today, being the new driver I am, I was trying to keep my speed at posted because I know that cops will target me. I ended up getting pulled over for my too-low speed and given a ticket because I was holding up a line of cars. FML
Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML
Today, my friend and I were walking down my neighborhood when he joked that my car was being stolen when one that looked exactly like it passed. It was my car. FML
StolenCarz tells us more.
Was able to get it recovered, the perpetrator is now in jail :) thanks everyone
Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML
Today, I was starting a new job and I didn't want to be late, so I took a train that left earlier than normal, just to make sure I'd be on time. Turns out, the earlier train wasn't an express train, and made it to my stop 12 minutes after my usual one did. I was late for work. FML
Today, on my way to the dentist, I got rear ended by my own dentist. FML
Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML
Today, I woke up at 3:45 AM to fly to Pittsburgh to sample classes at a university there. After all that flying and sitting in traffic for 2 hours, I finally got to attend to my first class. I fell asleep during it. FML
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