Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML
Today, my brother got a job as an Uber driver. Now, whenever I need a ride from him, he insists I pay him money through the app. FML
Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML
Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML
Today, I took a cab ride home from a bar. After a few minutes of horrible driving, I felt sick. The cab driver got so mad she locked me in the car and started driving me to the cops unless I payed her extra. Basically, I paid $120 for a five-minute cab ride. FML
Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML
Today, my second roommate in less then a week got a DUI. Both roommates are demanding that I drive them around for free until they get their licenses back, or else they won't have the funds to pay their rent. FML
Today, I'm exhausted. For the second time, my fiancé and I have pulled my future sister-in-law off the pavement naked and drunk at 3 a.m. and couldn't find the purse or glasses she had with her. She’s hungover and has completely blacked out what happened. Never again giving her a place to crash. FML
Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
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Top comments
hunterseal 18
Should have braked suddenly and allot lol. Gross as it is I don't think you'd forgive yourself if they drove drunk and harmed themselves or others.
raven_of_azarath 35
Going at it as in fighting, or going at it as in another f word?
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Comments (22)
raven_of_azarath 35
Going at it as in fighting, or going at it as in another f word?
extremereviews 26
Since OP emphasized 'new car' I'm gonna go with 'other f word'
hunterseal 18
Should have braked suddenly and allot lol. Gross as it is I don't think you'd forgive yourself if they drove drunk and harmed themselves or others.
tantanpanda 26
Your plan would get OP'S car filled with vomit in addition to what was already happening. Force a sober brother to fork over some therapy funds would be a better option.
extremereviews 26
Brake check
sweetbliss3 37
I would have kicked them out. they can call someone else, walk home or whatever they need to do. ridiculous. drunkenness has nothing to do with this level of disrespect.
RichardPencil 32
What ever happened to "too drunk to ****?"
BrotherPhil 35
Doesn't stop people being too drunk to try.
Alexandria79 22
at least they didn't puke?
Fernando Bocanegra 6
I don't get how they didn't have money for uber? Uber is tied to a credit card, the fare can be split between riders, and also in it is inexpensive .
Ray_of_midnight 23
Debit card with no money in the account or credit card that's maxed out.
kasuke06 5
And that's why you should always have a spray bottle available. Bad drunks! Not on the upholstery!
Selene1090 26
You need a spray bottle. If they are gonna act like dogs, treat them like it.
chokolada 14
At least they had fun xD