Anonymous · 2 April 2022, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

Thank you for your service

Today, I caught my wife with my brother. I demanded a divorce and, out of desperation, she claimed she thought it was me because we’re twins. We might be twins, but we’re dissimilar enough it’s obvious which is fucking which, plus he has both hands, whereas I left one of mine behind in fucking Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 765 You deserved it 141

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Anonymous · 1 April 2022, 04:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Sexy times

Today, my boyfriend turned down sex so he could masturbate to his favourite Japanese cartoon porn. I was obviously horny but his compromise was to offer to watch it and masturbate together. I’m an adult damnit, I want sex, not pissing cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601 You deserved it 360

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Anonymous · 1 April 2022, 02:00

Double take

Today, I walked into a job interview, then turned round and walked back out again. The interviewer was a one-night stand that ended very badly months ago, and she remembered me. I could see in her face the interview was pointless, so instead of grovelling I went to the pub to drown my sorrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216 You deserved it 554

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Anonymous · 31 March 2022, 16:00 🌶️ Spicy

Embrace your kink

Today, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can only have sex with really fat men, because that’s what turns me on, yet as soon as the sex is over, through no fault of theirs, I have to run to the toilet to be sick because I can’t believe what I just had sex with. I’m so messed up in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937 You deserved it 2 601

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Anonymous · 28 March 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Bullet control

Today, after I was shot in the hip years ago and the doctors left the bullet inside, they damn well better remove the bullet now because over the last 10 years, it's moved enough to start compressing a nerve, so now my penis is numb to all sensation, and I can’t get a boner anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 994 You deserved it 165

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Anonymous · 28 March 2022, 14:00 🌶️ Spicy

Dating hell

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy. We went back to his place, and after getting it on, he rolled onto his back and told me, "You can put that on your Bumble profile, you got a good dicking" then helicoptered his dick around, thinking it was sexy. I missed the last train, so I walked home after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292 You deserved it 723

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Anonymous · 28 March 2022, 02:00 🌶️ Spicy

Sacred spot

Today, after I spent a fortune on plane tickets and hiked a mountain so I could spread dad's ashes around the boulder where he proposed to mom, and where mom's ashes were scattered 3 years ago, the moment was ruined by the fat, stoned teenagers having sex on the boulder here in the middle of nowhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688 You deserved it 311

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Anonymous · 27 March 2022, 14:00 🌶️ Spicy

It's gettin' hott in here

Today, I finally had an weird sex dream after a long time. I was the center of attention of a group of guys, but on closer look, they were all clones of my husband. Multiple copies of my husband. Guess I'm monogamous for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757 You deserved it 435

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Anonymous · 27 March 2022, 01:59 🌶️ Spicy

Love is love

Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 051 You deserved it 835

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toomanypills · 26 March 2022, 22:00 ·Easton, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Freuding intensifies

Today, I'm in 12th grade and came home from school to find out my mother had someone over to have sex while I was at school. She's not had sex my whole life, so the uncomfortable feeling it gave me is different than anything I've felt before. She's been single by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311 You deserved it 1 583

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Anonymous · 26 March 2022, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

Turn it off

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225 You deserved it 179

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Anonymous · 25 March 2022, 00:01 🌶️ Spicy

Assumptions

Today, my ex messaged me on Facebook, wanting to be friends with benefits. I’m married now, and he just found out his wife is expecting. She discovered the messages, and I’m now the “home wrecker.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170 You deserved it 116

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wellfuck · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Lexington, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Bad sex

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 981 You deserved it 7 895

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ShinobiForLife · 23 March 2022, 18:01 🌶️ Spicy

Play your cards right

Today, I realised that I keep both Naruto collecting cards and a condom in the same pocket of my wallet. Nothing says sexy quite like dropping a bunch of Gaara cards before getting it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333 You deserved it 1 216

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well that sucks · 23 March 2022, 00:01 🌶️ Spicy

The one that got away

Today, I tried to reconnect with my high school sweetheart, or so I thought. When I called and told her who I was, she laughed and said, “Look dude, I was so depressed in high school, I fucked half the school as a form of self harm!” and hung up. I was so in love, and lost my virginity to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 025 You deserved it 399

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Mauro · 22 March 2022, 16:00 🌶️ Spicy

Repent!

Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326 You deserved it 359

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homeboyfat · 22 March 2022, 02:00 🌶️ Spicy

Hot singles in your area!

Today, my grandpa actually believed a "hot 19 year-old" lived "only 10 miles away" and was "desperate to meet him." Our family laptop with the backups of all our childhood photos and videos is now infected with the worst virus I've ever seen, and may require factory resetting or just scrapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533 You deserved it 160

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Stefania · 21 March 2022, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

Dick move

Today, I’m confined to a wheelchair since being paralyzed from the waist down due to an accident. My husband rubbed salt in the wound by sleeping with another woman, because he "has needs.” He had the cheek to call me “selfish” for being angry at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021 You deserved it 293

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polygonwrong · 20 March 2022, 22:00 ·Hesperia, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Too many cooks

Today, after my poly relationship with a married couple ended, I found out that the wife is blaming me for their divorce. To avoid embarrassment She told everyone around town, including my employer, that I’m a homewrecker. Nevermind SHE’S the one who introduced me and ASKED me to be their third. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 182 You deserved it 578

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Anonymous · 19 March 2022, 12:00 ·India 🌶️ Spicy

Weird turn on, but OK

Today, I realised my sex drive has improved massively since I started fantasising about Bruno from Encanto on the regular. I thought my lack of appetite was because of my mental health issues. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903 You deserved it 327

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Anonymous · 19 March 2022, 02:00 ·Altamonte Springs, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Wandering star

Today, I thought my parents were divorcing over money, but it turns out the real reason is that my dad has been cheating for two years with a 20 year-old girl from his work. He only told my mom two months ago, after he got the girl pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908 You deserved it 149

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Stillicide · 18 March 2022, 18:00 ·Swindon, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

That one hot friend

Today, I found out the guy I’m in love with has been side-messaging one of my closest friends about hooking up for sex. This isn’t the first guy this has happened with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278 You deserved it 219

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Anonymous · 18 March 2022, 00:01 🌶️ Spicy

Evil plan

Today, I broke my ankle jumping from a second story window. Turns out, the person my girlfriend has saved in her phone as "Mom" is her very jealous and “estranged” husband, who apparently knew about me, and was waiting on the opportunity to catch us. She giggled as I jumped out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362 You deserved it 382

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Anonymous · 17 March 2022, 22:00 ·Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Sudden dip

Today, my boyfriend and I were out for dinner. We were talking over the noise of the restaurant, when suddenly it got quiet as he shouted, “I can’t wait to fuck you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227 You deserved it 340

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Snooper · 16 March 2022, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

Caught

Today, I attempted to snoop around my daughter’s room, because I suspect her of having sex with her boyfriend behind my back. Hoping to find the evidence, I went to her room as soon as she left for school. Turns out she rigged her bedroom door. With glitter. Uh oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258 You deserved it 3 008

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Maddy · 16 March 2022, 10:00 🌶️ Spicy

Creepy customer

Today, I went to check why my eyelash lady never replied to my message from two days ago, asking about an appointment, only to see that I apparently accidentally sent her 15 picture messages of nudes I took for my fiancé. No wonder she didn’t reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349 You deserved it 1 557

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NotInTheMood · 14 March 2022, 14:00 🌶️ Spicy

Asshats can be fathers too

Today, my husband wants to leave me because I’m “taking too long” to recover from my C-section and he’s “tired of jerking off.” His logic is that he recovered in 6 weeks after he got 12 stitches on his leg, and, “I’ll be fine.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555 You deserved it 178

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Mandy · 13 March 2022, 10:00 🌶️ Spicy

The Scatman

Today, I accidentally sharted during sex with a guy I’ve been seeing. I was seriously embarrassed, but he was excited about “new territory we can explore together.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374 You deserved it 274

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Anonymous · 13 March 2022, 00:01 🌶️ Spicy

Striking out

Today, I met a woman at a bar, and we went back to my place with her whispering many filthy things in my ear. Then my key broke inside the lock. It was 2 a.m. and freezing, and she was in a dress, I suggested a hotel, but she was now so cold and angry, she got back in our Uber which hadn't left yet and went home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422 You deserved it 360

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Anonymous · 12 March 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Rubbing it in

Today, since splitting up with my girlfriend, I’ve watched so much porn I think I’ve given myself a friction burn on my clit, so now not only does it hurt to even walk normally, it’s way too painful to masturbate, so I’m now horny all the frigging time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602 You deserved it 1 374

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