my body hates me! · 17 June 2022, 06:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Not now!

Today, my husband and I were just about to have sex. The last few months have been a shitstorm of stress, personal tragedy, financial crises, and family drama. When we finally got a moment to ourselves, I was struck with a literal shitstorm in the form of agonizing diarrhea. It’s been two hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369 You deserved it 171

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Anonymous · 16 June 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Sixth sense

Today, I walked in the house as though I was coming home from work on a normal day, fully clothed and carrying my work bag, but somehow my dad still knew I hadn’t been to work, but was in fact doing the evening version of the walk of shame, after spending all day in bed with my booty call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294 You deserved it 1 229

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Anonymous · 16 June 2022, 16:00 🌶️ Spicy

Mind your own business

Today, I caught my best friend's wife being a cheating whore, and I told her either she told him the truth or I would. More fool me, she used the time I gave her to convince him I tried to sleep with her, so now he won’t believe a word I say, and he punched me in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268 You deserved it 255

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Anonymous · 16 June 2022, 00:00 🌶️ Spicy

Heated gamer moment

Today, I thought it would be hot to go down on my girlfriend while she was playing a video game on the PC. Unfortunately, someone killed her in game and she wheeled the chair forward in anger, right into my nuts. It took her a few seconds to notice, then she blamed me for getting her killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566 You deserved it 741

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Anonymous · 15 June 2022, 16:00 🌶️ Spicy

Bashing the Bible

Today, my son is going to jail for robbing our church. This happened a year after my daughter was arrested for breaking in to the same church so she could have sex as a big "Fuck You" to God. I can’t show my face there anymore, and it’s the only church within 50 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188 You deserved it 1 572

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Anonymous · 12 June 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

The little known stages of grief

Today, for some reason my girlfriend wanted to have sex in the bathroom at a family funeral. I’m sure that’s a sin, I mean… we definitely did it, so sorry Nana, but now I feel all wrong about it and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401 You deserved it 1 629

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Anonymous · 12 June 2022, 04:00 🌶️ Spicy

The odd couple

Today, my girlfriend, for our first time having sex, wanted to do stepbrother roleplay. Not only is that odd for our first time, it’s a weird fetish to have, especially when she actually does have a stepbrother. We ended up not finishing having sex, it was too weird for me FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 039 You deserved it 290

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Anonymous · 11 June 2022, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

Wish you were her

Today, my roommate wants me to leave for a bit so she can “have a ton of fun.” Is it horrible that I wish it was me, because I can’t remember how long it’s been since I had any “fun"? FML

I agree, your life sucks 913 You deserved it 265

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Anonymous · 10 June 2022, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

It is kinda weird

Today, about two years ago, my FWB pretended to be my boyfriend to get my mom off my back about being single. This ended up with our parents meeting, which ended up with my divorced dad marrying his widowed mom, so now my FWB is my step-brother and we don’t fuck anymore because he says it’s weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944 You deserved it 429

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2yearsofHotSexThenThis · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·New Zealand 🌶️ Spicy

Performance anxiety

Today, after not having sex for nearly a year and a half, an opportunity arose. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 332 You deserved it 11 247

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Anonymous · 8 June 2022, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

Perfect harmony

Today, according to my boyfriend, getting me to orgasm takes so long that about 90% of his mental energy is directed at him trying not to orgasm first, so he never really enjoys himself. When he fails to get me to orgasm, I apparently use the forbidden sex phrase “It's fine” which makes him feel worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070 You deserved it 699

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thought that was a good thing · 7 June 2022, 10:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Pencil

Today, my boyfriend once again asked me if I could “not get so wet down there” when we have sex, because it “feels funny”. Ummm, even if I could control it, I never knew it was a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 487 You deserved it 179

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Anonymous · 6 June 2022, 06:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Sweet summer child

Today, my boyfriend has so many hang ups about being good at sex that when we actually had sex for the first time this morning, he got upset that I was touching my clit while he was inside me. Apparently it was a sign I think he’s bad at it, and had to do it myself. Neither of us orgasmed today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139 You deserved it 288

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Anonymous · 5 June 2022, 22:00

It's my own cheating heart that makes me cry

Today, I found out my mom is still cheating on my dad with her ex boyfriend from her teenage years. She was caught last year, but apparently it's still going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108 You deserved it 133

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Anonymous · 5 June 2022, 14:00 ·Etobicoke, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Relax, don't do it…

Today, I met up with a guy who I've hooked up with 2-3 times before. He gives amazing head. I was sitting on my couch and he was on his knees on the floor in front of me. He was doing his thing, it was incredible and all of a sudden, I didn't even feel it coming, I farted on his chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032 You deserved it 459

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Anonymous · 5 June 2022, 00:00 🌶️ Spicy

Definitely maybe

Today, my marriage is more or less over, as my wife is so career-obsessed that when I asked if we could spend some time together, she rolled her eyes and gave me permission to sleep with other women, since sex is all I think about. I didn’t ask for sex, just time together. Definitely over I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 047 You deserved it 204

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Anonymous · 3 June 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Sounds like a Wednesday

Today, I hooked up with a guy on Tinder, but halfway through sex, his wife came home. As I stumbled back into my own house, I realised with my new lingerie and two lots of taxi fares, I’d spent £170 and all it got me was one glass of wine, one mouthful of cum, and a black eye from his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766 You deserved it 1 749

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Anonymous · 3 June 2022, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

Hot hot hot

Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566 You deserved it 2 338

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Anonymous · 2 June 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Gone to the dogs

Today, my girlfriend started crying because I occasionally text a work friend, for whom I have zero interest in. My girlfriend's medication has completely killed her sex drive and she no longer wants to be touched at all. She acts like hanging out with anyone is a chore. My social interaction is down to just our dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445 You deserved it 219

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KANCHI · 2 June 2022, 14:00 ·Gurgaon, India 🌶️ Spicy

Silver linings

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the middle of great sex when he suddenly called out his ex's name. Just before I decided to yell at him and throw him out of my room, I realised he performed better when he yelled her name. So, I let him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190 You deserved it 766

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Anonymous · 2 June 2022, 06:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Humblebrag much?

Today, my fling with a local waiter ended. I'm studying for a professional designation exam, I make $130k/year, and I have a lake house in the mountains. He smokes pot in his mom's basement, has been arrested for stealing, has totaled 3 cars, and would rather collect unemployment than work. He dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632 You deserved it 2 610

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Lila · 31 May 2022, 22:00 ·Port Orange, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Sucks to suck

Today, after several months of starting an antidepressant at the same time as my husband, I have horrible side effects, including weight gain, drowsiness, and acne. His only side effect? He can now only achieve an orgasm through oral stimulation. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511 You deserved it 205

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Anonymous · 30 May 2022, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

The end of an era

Today, after I've climbed some of the world's tallest mountains before I was 30, including Everest, now thanks to Covid, plus a genetic lung condition I inherited from my absentee bastard father, I have to stop for breath halfway up the stairs, and sex can make me so lightheaded I pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 872 You deserved it 366

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Anonymous · 30 May 2022, 00:01 🌶️ Spicy

Hot revenge

Today, halfway through a blowjob, my girlfriend bit my penis because she suddenly decided that she was still annoyed at me for an argument we had last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423 You deserved it 349

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Anonymous · 29 May 2022, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

By comparison, I'm doing OK

Today, with my relationship in shambles, I reached out to my cousin who has been separated for a year. I asked her if she had any regrets, she said, “I wish I’d done what he said and sucked off his friend.” My spending issues now seems manageable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939 You deserved it 200

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Anonymous · 27 May 2022, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

Silver linings

Today, during sex with my new boyfriend, he gave me such an intense oral sex orgasm, I clenched my jaw and broke one of my back teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255 You deserved it 332

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Anonymous · 26 May 2022, 00:01 🌶️ Spicy

Craving it

Today, I realized how low my husband's libido has gotten over the years. He has zero intention of trying anything to fix it, no matter how hard I try. I don't even think I'm horny anymore as much as intimately touched starved. He ran his hand down my back in passing and I almost burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459 You deserved it 245

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Armando · 24 May 2022, 02:00 🌶️ Spicy

Classic

Today, my now-ex fiancée actually took another man’s penis out of her mouth and had the audacity to shout, “Babe, it’s not what it looks like!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010 You deserved it 160

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Anonymous · 23 May 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

The Kinks

Today, my dad found out that there are others like him in this world. They're called furries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126 You deserved it 211

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Anonymous · 23 May 2022, 18:00 ·Spokane, United States 🌶️ Spicy

No thanks!

Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063 You deserved it 236

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