Today, after I've climbed some of the world's tallest mountains before I was 30, including Everest, now thanks to Covid, plus a genetic lung condition I inherited from my absentee bastard father, I have to stop for breath halfway up the stairs, and sex can make me so lightheaded I pass out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after climbing 5 flights of stairs I walked into the restroom to take a piss. I was winded but trying to keep my heavy breathing to a minimum. My plan failed when I almost fainted inbetween two guys at the urinal and started gasping for air. FML
Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML
Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML
Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML
Today, like every day for the past year or so, I went for a walk. And like every time I go for a walk, I got severely winded halfway through. I have no medical issues like asthma, I’m just out of shape. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML
Today, after running across London to catch my train, I collapsed, panting, into a seat across from a concerned elderly woman. She leaned over to ask whether I had my inhaler and I smiled and nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'm not asthmatic, just really unfit. FML
Today, and ever since a car accident, I’ve not been able to go to the gym anymore for more than a few minutes without crippling pain. I have a belly for the first time in my life, I can barely breathe without wheezing, and I’m even too unfit for sex anymore. FML
Today, I went to the Grand Canyon with my family. Also today, I found out that I have a crippling fear of heights. My family left me on a ledge hyperventilating and having a mental breakdown, while they hiked for another 2 hours. They won't stop telling me how pretty it was and what I missed. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. On my way home, my legs gave out halfway up the stairs to my apartment, and I had to awkwardly sit there until I could crawl the rest of the way up. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Thanks for the humble-brag.
D J's MOM 17
so sorry. that really is an fml.
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Comments (3)
D J's MOM 17
so sorry. that really is an fml.
RichardPencil 32
Thanks for the humble-brag.
IHaveThePower 18
I had something similar happen. As cool as climbing mountains is, that's not all there is to life--it sounds like it's time to try something new. Learn a new skill, build something with your hands, or do something technical--you need a new challenge, one that won't hurt your body. This isn't the end; it's the beginning of a new passion. Go find yours.