Today, I was cockblocked by a machine. I'm in the hospital so I'm attached to the typical machines that monitor vitals, including heart rate. I fell asleep and had a sex dream which made my heart rate go up, which set off the beeping from the machine monitoring my vitals. Bam, I woke up, sex dream over. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having an intense erotic dream. It was going great until I thought, "I hope this isn't a dream." This caused me to wake up. This isn't the first time I've cockblocked myself in a dream. FML
Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML
Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML
Today, my alarm rang just as I was about to have a wet dream with my husband. This is the closest I got to having sex in weeks. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Today, I’m a nurse on night shift and I went to a daytime family brunch without adjusting my sleep schedule. Halfway through a serious conversation about finances, I nodded off and started dreaming I was charting vitals. I woke up mid-sentence saying, “Blood pressure stable,” to my aunt. FML
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML
Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
The opening sentence was intriguing, but then the rest fizzled. The better story would have been: I was about to have sex with my girlfriend when her Roomba ran over my last condom and sucked it up. Now, go edit your story and you're welcome.
Nazmazh 18
Honestly, it's probably for the best. I mean, would you really want to run the risk of visibly having had a sex dream while being monitored/observed by other people? I'm sure it happens and hospital staff are professionals about it, but like... still.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
The opening sentence was intriguing, but then the rest fizzled. The better story would have been: I was about to have sex with my girlfriend when her Roomba ran over my last condom and sucked it up. Now, go edit your story and you're welcome.
Yudith 28
Alain Vadeboncoeur, a cardiologist, had a great story that could have begun the same way, except there was a girl involved. Let's say the randy couple had a surprise when the revival team and the emergency chariot came busting into the patient's private room.
Nazmazh 18
Honestly, it's probably for the best. I mean, would you really want to run the risk of visibly having had a sex dream while being monitored/observed by other people? I'm sure it happens and hospital staff are professionals about it, but like... still.
BurnInDemonFire 39
It could have been worse. Your doctor could have been doing rounds with some med students and called in to check on you right as you came. That story would have been told repeatedly for weeks.