Today, my country went on strike and is overthrowing the government, and I'm stuck on a night shift at work. FML
Today, I'm ignored and bored so much at my dream job that I've started bringing in my fanfiction to write when no one is around. Which is 80% of the day. I'm training to be a civil engineer. My experience writing fanfiction should take me really far in my chosen career. FML
Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML
Today, after losing all my hair to chemo, I finally felt brave enough to go out without a wig or a headscarf. I expected some weird looks. I didn’t expect a woman in a store to point to me and tell her daughter, “See what feminism does to women? She’ll never have a husband, I bet!” FML
Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML
Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML
Today, I found out that I'm just one of the millions who got scammed by what seemed to be a legit website. None of the negative reviews or bugs appeared until after I spent a fortune of someone else’s money on a server that will never arrive. FML
Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML
Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I was texting the guy I like. I asked him why our friend didn't want to come to the movies with us. He replied, "She didn't want to be the third wheel, but it's not like I'm going to put the moves on you. I'm out of your league, and you're socially awkward anyway." That's just what I wanted. FML
Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML
Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML
Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML
Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML
Today, I woke this morning to my girlfriend asking me how many calories are in her deodorant. FML
Today, while riding the train, some druggie got into a dispute with some random passengers. Even though I didn't even look at them fighting, he decided I was a threat and punched me, a pregnant woman, and some bikers. Now I've got a black eye. FML
Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML
Today, I found out via Facebook that my older sister just had another baby, a whole week ago, whose name is my middle name. No one told me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. FML
Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, I got pulled over by a cop and got slammed with a ticket for expired tabs on my motorcycle. The DMV was literally across the street. I was heading there to get new tabs. FML
Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I went to a dispensary to find relief for my chronic back pain. Turns out THC and my anxiety don't mix. I've been freaking out/paranoid/hyper diligent all night. I'm out $200, but at least thanks to my panic, I forgot my back pain. FML
Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML
Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML
Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML
Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML
Today, after cancelling work, arguing with my family, scrambling to pack my bags, speeding to the airport and filling in immigration forms to fly out to have a much needed holiday, I wasn't allowed to check in. My passport has less than 6 months away from expiration on it. Yes, that's a thing, apparently. FML
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