Blackout at The Gym · 27 November 2020, 20:08 ·Charlotte, United States

You're a natural

Today, I had a great leg workout at the gym. Instead of doing my cool down exercise at the end, I decided I wanted to do something more adventurous, like box jumps on one of those metal stools at the gym. Well, it turns out my body wasn’t ready for that. Now my shin is busted and swollen. This is my second week training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 1 090

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 27 November 2020, 17:00 ·Bayreuth, Germany

Amazon Prime

Today, I ordered an iPad to replace a broken tablet in a haste. I managed to order one of the only ones that doesn't support an Apple pencil. This is exactly the only feature I SERIOUSLY need. Can one be more stupid? FML

I agree, your life sucks 326 You deserved it 1 080

5 comments Share

mikalovernj · 27 November 2020, 14:02

Pets are life

Today, my neighbor asked me to check in on his pet. When I went into his house, I couldn't find any animals. I searched all over, and finally gave up and called him. I asked him what type of pet he had. His response? "My pet rock, Stubby." That's right, I just spent some time looking for a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084 You deserved it 177

5 comments Share

Anonymous · 27 November 2020, 10:58 ·Singapore, Singapore

Technologically challenged

Today, during my Zoom PTM my teacher screen-shared his Chrome tab, in which he had opened porn instead of the presentation he had to open, and now mom wants to change my school, where I've been studying in for past 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028 You deserved it 145

3 comments Share

Jules · 27 November 2020, 07:56 ·Germany

Long term commitment

Today, while tidying up my grandmother's fridge, I got to play expiration-date-bingo. The winner was some type of concentrated apple sauce supposed to be used for salad dressings. It expired in 1986. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856 You deserved it 91

3 comments Share

mommycooks · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

Interference

Today, my family came over for Thanksgiving. We were supposed to have had dinner hours ago, but my mom kept sneaking into the kitchen and dialing down the temperature on the oven, claiming I was going to overcook everything. At this rate, we'll be lucky to have eaten by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 923 You deserved it 1 933

73 comments Share

Anonymous · 27 November 2020, 01:58 ·Maryville, United States

Masterchef 2020

Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995 You deserved it 68

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 26 November 2020, 23:08 ·Sacramento, United States

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today, my daughter repeated what she had heard her grandma say when asked to say grace. It happened to be, "Dear God, why the fuck did we invite all these assholes to Thanksgiving?" I don't want to attend any more family gatherings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059 You deserved it 164

1 comment Share

baby.momma2 · 26 November 2020, 19:58

Dominion

Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884 You deserved it 324

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 26 November 2020, 16:58

Two rooms, two atmospheres

Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816 You deserved it 155

2 comments Share

AloneAtPerkins · 26 November 2020, 10:58 ·West Bend, United States

Sticky situation

Today, I drove all the way to another state and dealt with Chicago traffic on the way just to learn to drive stick. I couldn't learn, because the truck was suddenly unavailable, and when it was available again, whoever had it last lost the keys. Guess I gotta make another trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806 You deserved it 120

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 26 November 2020, 07:59

Zoom off

Today, I was caught on a hot mic during a work department meeting complaining about someone using a leaf blower, F-bombs and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243 You deserved it 894

1 comment Share

laststand11 · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

It's all in the timing

Today, my mom used, "Happy Thanksgiving break" and, "We sold your car" in the same sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 062 You deserved it 2 503

82 comments Share

Anonymous · 26 November 2020, 05:02 ·Merrimack, United States

Bye, dipshit

Today, my husband told me he no longer loves me and is moving out. It's also our 13th wedding anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157 You deserved it 266

0 comment Share

Anonymous · 26 November 2020, 02:02 ·Cody, United States

Seize the means

Today, I found out I'm getting a pay cut, a week after I told my boss I need a raise or second job just to afford bills. I made the company 10k last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116 You deserved it 107

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 25 November 2020, 23:06 ·Albuquerque, United States

You tried

Today, I'm in my late thirties, I quit my dream job to go back to school in hopes of providing a better future for my family. All my wife does anymore is bitch about how she has to support the family and do everything. I just found out that my grades aren't good enough to continue my college program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128 You deserved it 747

6 comments Share

Anonymous · 25 November 2020, 20:02

Mystery message service

Today, my two year-old opened one of my boyfriend's Snapchat messages. It was from a girl I've never heard of, with whom he has a 700+ day streak and is one of his top friends. The message said, "I wish?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 936 You deserved it 253

5 comments Share

Marea90h · 25 November 2020, 16:58

Money management

Today, my fiancé finally was able secure a PS5, which I told him I'd get for Christmas. Due to high demand, I didn't think he'd be able to get it till next week or so. He bought it last night while I was sleeping. I have to pay my car insurance tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831 You deserved it 356

6 comments Share

MeOhMy23 · 25 November 2020, 13:59 ·Tazewell, United States

The only one who could ever reach me…

Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981 You deserved it 143

6 comments Share

Kas · 25 November 2020, 11:02

Smelly cat, smelly cat…

Today, my cat decided the perfect place to throw up was on herself. Cleaning a smelly old cat with a showerhead is trouble enough, but when she tried to escape, it resulted in the bathroom being turned into one big puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792 You deserved it 149

2 comments Share

Clogged · 25 November 2020, 08:02 ·Brisbane, Australia

Light 'em up, boys

Today, a week after I quit smoking, I lit up again. Was it stress? Cravings? No. I haven't had a crap since I quit, and can't take this gut ache anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866 You deserved it 193

8 comments Share

MissArizona · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Make it so

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 972 You deserved it 4 134

109 comments Share

Aleksandar · 25 November 2020, 05:01

Interpreter blues

Today, at the hospital, I had to tell someone he was going to die because I was the only one to speak his language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300 You deserved it 73

4 comments Share

Amanda G Rich · 25 November 2020, 02:02

Lose the boyfriend, not the weight

Today, yet again. my boyfriend told me I'm getting fat, even after I told him to stop and that it's affecting my mental health. I had an eating disorder previously, and now I'm thinking about going back to just eating an apple a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312 You deserved it 236

16 comments Share

Leah Truncale · 24 November 2020, 22:58 ·Petaluma, United States

But was he cute though?

Today, I met a boy on Snapchat. I sent him my picture and he said I was cute. We talked for a bit, and I said, "Okay" to something. Then he sent his picture, but my slow Wi-Fi made it look like I said okay to his picture, right after he'd called me cute. I tried to explain, but he said I was just trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942 You deserved it 180

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 24 November 2020, 20:08 ·United States

Wage slave

Today, at work, our customer service chat was empty all day, so I got up to go to bathroom. In the two minutes I was gone, three people tried to chat with me. Then I got a call from my manager, asking me why I wasn't doing my job. He told me to give advanced notice next time I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036 You deserved it 125

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 24 November 2020, 17:00 ·Warners Bay, Australia

What are the odds?

Today, while driving my car, there was a talk on the radio about road safety. I got so engrossed that I drifted and crashed my car into a sign promoting the talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257 You deserved it 957

3 comments Share

NoCirculation · 24 November 2020, 14:03 ·Utrecht, Netherlands

Thermoregulation wars

Today, my boyfriend is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I'm wearing leggings, sweatpants, a vest, t-shirt, jumper and hoodie. If we turn the heating any higher, he starts overheating and sweating. At the current level, I'm still shivering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990 You deserved it 297

8 comments Share

Anonymous · 24 November 2020, 11:02

Great quality control

Today, I got a job! When they sent me the offer letter, I sent it back ASAP after being satisfied with the salary and benefits. My problem? I wrote that I'd accepted the wrong position (in the interview it went by different names) The irony? I'm supposed to be in QC, ie., I'm supposed to have a keen eye for errors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 871

2 comments Share

mee · 24 November 2020, 08:02

Knock off

Today, I overheard my six year-old step-son playing with his sister and cousin. His sister was the baby, cousin the step-dad, and he got to be “the best one” because he was the "real dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 836 You deserved it 137

3 comments Share